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-   -   ugh a bad moment (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2846)

MyDemonsMyAngels 05-25-2010 04:54 AM

ugh a bad moment
 
Ugh, I am really getting sick of having good days....and then all of a sudden ONE thing throw the day off and I'm insecure and moody for the rest of the day. Like today... I did some laundry and brought it upstairs. And there was a pair of pants that my boyfriend wanted to wear and when he grabbed them they were not dry all the way....(Im sure this has happened to EVERYONE) He got aggravated because it has happened before. I couldn't help but dig into myself...and tear myself apart. Like I'm not good enough for him so that is why he is seeking relationships with girls other than myself. Since I cannot be WOMAN enough he has to look for the things I lack in another person... Sounds silly when I write it... but I got really worked up over it.

SchrodingersCat 05-25-2010 06:26 AM

*hugs*

I'm sorry hon, but it doesn't sound like he respects you and appreciates you.

You're doing his laundry, and he has the gall to complain that you're not doing it right? I did that to my mom when I was a teenager. So she informed me that if I didn't like the way she did laundry, she would be more than happy to teach me how to use the washer and dryer.

Sweetie, this is completely not a case of you not being good enough. It's entirely a case of him not treating you the way you deserve to be treated. You're bending over backwards, making huge adjustments in your life so that he can live the life he wants, and he's thanking you by complaining about how you do laundry.

You deserve better.

DD123 05-25-2010 07:24 AM

One thing I have heared a few times here and there - mainly from the ethical slut and a couple times my gf - is owning your own feelings. only higher power knows what his day was like leading up to the wet pants event. maybe he got his junk caught in his zipper or something and was already in a pissy mood. Im gonna be a little psycho-analytical and say that he has some misdirected anger issues. in my opinion-wet pants has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with how the dryer works and his temper towars the dryer not doing its job.

Im also going to go out on a limb and say that you should NOT seek your oun sence of self worth and validation through someone else. my gf and I have talked about something like this and her "primary" relationship is with herself, just like my "primary" relationship is with myself. We havne to be secure in ourselves before we can enrich eachother. And we do enrich eachother, we DONT put the other down.

I do agree with SCat: that it doesn't sound like he respects you and appreciates you....Maybe you veed to seek out someone that does appreciate you regardless of weather his pants are wet or not ;)

chear up babe

Edward 05-25-2010 05:40 PM

Umm, I do my OWN laundry in our house...and if one of the others is NICE enough to do it (because they need extra to fill out a load) I thank them for the courtesy.

I didn't complain when my-then gf, trying to dry out a pair of soaked pants, ending up setting them on fire, forcing me to walk home in a cold rain half-naked. (In retrospect, it WAS pretty funny...and it wasn't really her fault.)

Things happen...and if he's not doing the laundry, just criticizing the results, then the proper response is hand over his dirty laundry and say 'YOU do it from now on, then!"

idealist 05-25-2010 09:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DD123 (Post 30678)
my gf and I have talked about something like this and her "primary" relationship is with herself, just like my "primary" relationship is with myself. We havne to be secure in ourselves before we can enrich eachother.

I am my own primary also and I like it that way. :D
That's one of the things that attracts me to the poly lifestyle is that I don't have to have a primary lover! Yeah!!!


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