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-   -   Poly parenting (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28459)

Pliglet 09-12-2012 01:47 AM

Poly parenting
For those of you with children, how do you balance the poly withthe parenting?

Are all members of the relationship (if it's a triad/quad/v) involved in parenting and childraising? Or just those who biologically created the children?

I love hearing how other people organize their homes :-) and make it work for the kids.

LovingRadiance 09-12-2012 02:08 AM

Group effort with raising the kids and no secrets.

GalaGirl 09-12-2012 02:57 AM

Closed during parenting years.


ThatGirlInGray 09-12-2012 03:22 AM

Ours is still theoretical, as we don't live all live together yet, but we are not planning on co-parenting. The children MC and I have together will be expected to listen to TGIB the same way they would an aunt, uncle, or babysitter- he's an adult, you will respect him as such, you will do as you're told if it's a safety issue, and when in doubt check with mom or dad. We make the decisions about them, and while we may asking for his perspective now and again, we will not need his agreement. And the same for his kids that TGIB has with his ex.

AnnabelMore 09-12-2012 06:38 AM

My gf and her husband had their first child about two years after she and I started dating. We came to the conclusion before the baby was born that we couldn't predict exactly what would make the most sense in terms of my role until we'd had a chance to feel out the new, post-baby dynamics, but that in theory I would be an "Aunt" type figure. Things have, indeed, worked out that way. I'm not a co-parent, but I do a lot of babysitting, I love their child very much, and he knows and seems to like me. :) We don't live together, for the record.

jasaty 09-12-2012 01:14 PM

My husband and I have a child together who is 2 years old. Our daughter refers to our bf/gf as aunt and uncle. They were our good friends before we decided to have a poly relationship, so the aunt and uncle just stuck. They will occasionally watch her and help keep her out of trouble. But, as far as the regular parenting things go it's on my husband and I. They are currently pregnant and I'm going to assume it will be the same way when they have their child.

We have been living together for about a month.

ThatGirlInGray 09-12-2012 04:32 PM

Jasaty, have you guys talked about one cohesive set of house rules that apply to all children? If TGIB's children ever came to live with us it would be a struggle to find a middle ground between the the way his children have been raised and the way I want to raise my children. One of the reasons we do not plan on co-parenting is that our styles are SO different, so if he had more than weekend custody of his kids he and they likely would not live with us except as a short-term thing. I don't think it's fair to have some kids in a household allowed to do something that is not allowed for the others (beyond age-appropriate restrictions), and that's what would end up happening, since we have differing opinions on what is and is not okay in terms of behavior and activities and what appropriate consequences are.

jasaty 09-12-2012 04:52 PM

We have talked a little bit, but not a whole lot. I know we need to talk more. They have been around since before our daughter was born and have been in her life the whole time. They know how we parent and haven't had any disagreements really. I know it will probably be a whole different ballgame when their child is born. But, I do think we should all sit down and talk about it. Like you said, it's not fair to have some kids in a household that are allowed to do something while the other kids aren't allowed. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

Dagferi 09-12-2012 05:41 PM

My kids are just now meeting M my bf. They are expected to listen to M as much as my husband D and myself. M is allowed to correct them in a fashion similar to our style of parenting if he sees them step out of line.

blurryb 09-17-2012 02:13 AM

parenting 3
We together have 3 kids. My husband and I have a 7 year old and a 9 year old. Our gf has a 4 year old. We are just meshing households but a few things have become apparent. I am much more of a disciplinarian than hubby or gf. Hubby is less tolerant than gf is. I dont want to get on to gf's daughter too much but gf is allowing me to do it. Gf has recently gone thru a divorce and thinks that her daughter has been given a lot of leeway because of it. She has let her get away with too much, her words not mine. While I want to help her get it back in check, I dont want the poor child to hate me. She is expected to follow rules and be respectful just like my own two kids are. I think it will be wise in the near future to sit down and talk about parenting soon.

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