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-   -   Introduction (LONG) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2774)

sumsumsum 05-13-2010 09:20 PM

Introduction (LONG)
moved to stories

AutumnalTone 05-14-2010 12:21 AM

Welcome aboard.

Ariakas 05-14-2010 04:32 AM

Great story...and welcome to the board...truly

sumsumsum 05-14-2010 05:23 PM


Nobody else can pipe in on my reverse jealous wife syndrome?

My husband and I have such a great relationship and our new partner is so deserving of respect and love! I just want to do my best to assure that every one feels as if they got the long, the best, the most wonderful part of this relationship! For me, that means we all LOVE each other, independent of the other(s) and as a whole.

Perhaps I have my own "deserving issues". I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to be in a "V" relationship, but that is not what I really want.

I know that you cannot force "love" and I dont want to, not really- well, maybe sortof. If I could wave a magic wand, I would. For sure. But ehhhh. See?

Anyways, we got together last night and my husband had to process with me after. He was struggling with feelings of guilt because when he looked into her eyes, he felt the same sense of love that he feels from and with me. So- yes, some issues to work through- but I have HOPE! and more confirmation!

And SHE called me this morning to chat about her feelings for HIM with me, just wanting to make sure that I was doing ok with it.

We are each going through what feels like a deep spiritual awakening.

Thanks for listening.

TL4everu2 05-14-2010 05:32 PM

You make a lot of us jealous. Congrats on your newfound relationship. I truely envy you...All three of you. ;) Enjoy it...and remember to COMMUNICATE. No matter how small or petty seeming the issue, COMMUNICATE it with your partners. If anyone can help you, THEY can.

With jealoulsy,

idealist 05-15-2010 02:36 AM

OMG!!! I want that soooo bad too!!! Please keep sharing !!! I want to hear everything !!!! :D

rolypoly 05-15-2010 02:39 AM

This sounds lovely!

GroundedSpirit 05-16-2010 05:04 PM


Originally Posted by sumsumsum (Post 29813)

Thanks again for providing a safe place for me to journal and share.
It seems that this forum is my only therapy.
And really- I dont want to make anyone jealous, that is not in my nature- may I suggest choice #1! : )


Welcome Sum and thank you so much for the beautiful story. We often hear, and seem focused so much on all the hard parts that we need more of this positive balance !
Just like in relationships-right ?

I'm with you 150% on Choice #1.

So much of this is all about the choices we make. Despite what the wee small voices in our head may say, the final action (including putting a plug in the wee voice) is in our control. The journey forward depends on US.


idealist 05-16-2010 08:10 PM


Originally Posted by sumsumsum (Post 29813)
HE is struggling a bit with sensory overload when the three of us are together. He is gets a little over excited, physically and mentally. It is affecting his erection. I gave him some breathing exercises to do and he is going to start cardio training (again) to see if that helps.

Thanks so much for sharing!!! I just have one quick idea for your number 10 item. One of my guys has met a female friend of mine and they hit it off pretty well. There is a chance that the three of us will date and get a chance to spend time together in the future. She and I talked about having a classic ménage e trios with him since he has never had that experience. So- anyway, he has some viagra. It comes in 100mg. He took less than a quarter of one (he estimated it was about 15 mg) Saturday night when he and I were together and it improved his "staying power" so much that I feel it would be a nice thing to have if and when we do have that ménage e trios. He had experimented with it and found that too much is not comfortable, but just the right amount gives the boost he needs without any adverse affects!! It's just a thought! ;)

sumsumsum 05-17-2010 07:05 AM

Thanks Idealist!

We have some Cialis on the way! We will see if that helps. In "normal" play he doesn't have any issues, so I guess with will start with 1/4 or 1/2 and see if that helps.

Meanwhile.... New news:

I am exhausted from communication.

For the most part I have been the one guiding and encouraging the talking sessions. Neither are resistant and they both participate but we are not really getting anywhere meaty.

I went so far as to print out a bunch of pages from the xeromag site- mostly on how to treat the secondary. I have gone over safety; physical and otherwise, boundaries, needs, desires, all corners of the triangle, blah blah blah. You know, I just want to make sure that everyone is feeling respected and has their voice heard.

Most of what I get back from them are doe-eyed stares and words like; "I am fantastic" "this is great" "no need for rules at this time" "no need for definitions at this time". While looking over the print outs... "looks like we have #1 covered, and #2..." And so on and so on.

To hear them tell it, everything is perfect.
(Said with just a tad of disbelief).
A disbelief which I brought to the table and to which they BOTH responded by saying that they have a tendency to not verbalize until things are a BIG problem. Hence, "Things are great".

Oh dear. Really? The confirmed and almost militant L is fucking her best friends husband and the husband with Catholic guilt is fucking another woman and this is the first time either of them has been in a Tri and they don't have any issues to talk about? Really? Okay...

They both have such submissive energy at the moment! It kind of erks me and compels me to instigate a catharsis for them! But that is not my job. For now I am going to go with relationship advice that urges us to "believe what your partner tells you."

My meditation for the work week. 5 full days. Every day:
I am a servant to love. The source of love is endless. The source of love moves freely. I neither submit nor direct. I embody. I embody. I embody. I embody love. I emanate love.

Wish me luck.

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