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-   -   I'm mono and in love with a poly (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2769)

shineypants 05-12-2010 05:09 AM

I'm mono and in love with a poly
I'd been dating this amazing women who is polyamory.She has no clue that im doing this to have a better understanding of her life style so i can be apart of it. none of my friends understand this time of life style so i can't console them for advice. and i'm so new to this. I'm all about love and sharing love. yet my insecurities is getting in the way from moving forward with her. In the beginning of our relationship i was fine with everything, i had no expectations, but just letting things be. then we both fell in love with one another. all of a sudden she's tellilng me i'm her primary. (in my head i was flattered...then i started to ask my self what does this all mean?) then we start talking about all the possibilities of our relationship. moving in. and so on. i freaked out telling her i need to stay true to myself. and i cant handle such. so i asked for a break. yet it got complicated. yet here i am. in love. willing to change and understand. I love everything about her. and i feel her love. and she has reassured me many times.
how do i go about this without feeling jealous? or without invading her space and her relationship with others? how do i begin to be in-alignment with her without making it more complicated? How do i fix this...?:(

Zenchild 05-12-2010 07:37 PM

Being new to this as well....my best advice is to read through the articles here: http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html#AnchorP1

One thing I came across in this forum which caught me by surprise is the term compersion....which is essentially the opposite of jealousy in that you feel a sense of satisfaction and happiness when you're partner is happy. Do a search on it and you'll come up with a lot of great posts.

redpepper 05-13-2010 07:17 AM

I would suggest reading and searching on here as much as you can. Do a tag search for jealousy and compersion perhaps... we have many threads that might help you find the answers you might have

Quath 05-14-2010 05:07 AM

I think a good start is to figure out why you feel jealous. It can offer valuable insights into your feelings.

The most common cause is insecurity. You can work to deal with that by realizing that she wants to be with you. There is no reason for her to leave you unless you two are not working out. Her relationship with anyone else does not affect the love she feels for you.

A big key to making these relationships work is communication. It is ok to talk about how you feel. You can say you feel jealous or insecure. But that does not mean she has to change anything. It may prompt her to explain why she values you. Or she may decide to spend more time doing an activity with you.

The whole key to polyamory is that you are with someone because you want to be with them. You are not tied to them. You are free to feel for others.

I would suggest reading other posts here. It may give you a better idea of how different people approach these issues.

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