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-   -   Brand new to "quad relationship" (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27590)

krysjah 08-30-2012 07:09 AM

Brand new to "quad relationship"
Hello everyone! I'm 26 years old, and my husband is 29, and we've had an open marriage for a little over 2 years now. We've been very successful thus far by continuing to communicate with each other at all times.

Recently, we seem to have entered a "quad" relationship with another couple. All four of us are new to this, but I seem to be the one with all the answers for everyone else, because I read a lot, and I just figure that it's like any other relationship, just with more people. Right now, because it is new, I would like to just let it flow, and see where it goes. I'm definitely interested in it developing into an emotional relationship to go along with the fantastic sex that I am getting from it, but I don't like over analyzing things unnecessarily.

The relationships within the quad are my husband and myself, the other couple (engaged), myself and both of them, my husband and the woman.

I've known the man in the other relationship for several years, and the rest of us all just met about 4 weeks ago, when our "playing around" started.

I'm not sure what I'm wanting to ask... I can feel a question in there somewhere, but any advice or anecdotes that anyone would like to share with me would be greatly appreciated.

Nice meeting everyone! I look forward to picking your brains and seeing how other people do this. :)

Avatar 08-30-2012 03:16 PM

For now, just kind of roll with it. Also, some may consider your group not quite a quad, as there doesn't seem to be a commitment there between the four of you. I wouldn't get too caught up on labels though. Enjoy what you have, make the most of it, and see where it takes you :)

kdt26417 08-30-2012 10:46 PM

Hi krysjah,
Welcome to our forum.

If you poke around, you will see that there are many helpful threads here. Plus you can always post when you have a thought, question, or concern.

My experience has been that sometimes the first few years (in a poly relationship) are hard to navigate, but it gets easier and you do figure out what works for you. I think a lot depends on how closely involved you are with this other couple.

Let us know how we can be supportive and helpful.

Kevin T.

krysjah 08-31-2012 06:00 AM

Thank you so much for your responses!

I know we're new to everything, and we've decided to just roll with it, and see where it goes. I can't predict anything that's going to happen, but I do know that we have decided to not seek outside the quad for the time being, because it just feels right. :)

My husband and I are all about 100% communication, and have been for awhile, making our open marriage pretty successful thus far. This has also become a neat teaching opportunity for us to the other couple, because they haven't quite perfected the communication thing, but they are getting so much better just since all of this started.

I have so much more to say, because I'm excited that I now have a community of people who are going through similar experiences that I can draw from, but I'm sure my words will come out as time goes along.

Skye 08-31-2012 04:33 PM

Hi and welcome! Not sure where you live, but maybe you can find some in person community through the Meet Up site. We have many poly gatherings in my area ranging from game nights, to support groups, to family gatherings, workshops, etc. :)

KyleKat 09-02-2012 07:39 AM

Speaking from experience, my one shred of advice is to TAKE IT SLOW! Don't force anything, and don't move fast even when it "feels right". It's not a race and if you go to fast you risk someone getting cold feet. Especially when the four of you are tugging for that blanket at night.

Skye 09-02-2012 06:55 PM

I agree with Kyle, take it slowly. I speak from experience because we didn't take it slowly, at all, with our quad. It backfired and we took a step back for quite some time (in part because I had a baby as did the other girl of my quad) and though we remained best friends the whole time, being slow would have made a huge difference. If you base your relationship on friendship more than sex, it will be more fulfilling and last longer. :)

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