What to do
Hello, so I found this forum trying to google advice on adjusting to a poly relationship. I'm currently dating this amazing woman who lights up my world and she is poly. I've only been in mono relationships, but a poly lifestyle doesn't seem out of the norm and I'm ready and willing to learn. However, recently I've become attracted to someone she's introduced me to and I talked to her about asking this person on a date. At first she was bright eyed and eager for me to go out and date (we keep those communication lines open). Then I stayed consistent and told her that they said yes (still saying that she's ok with it). Those two incidences were the only times I spoke about dating someone while dating her. But today, I asked her for advice on a good place to eat while I'm on this said date. And she became a bit insecure or something resembling insecurity. She then expressed that I'll just be having sex with them so I shouldn't worry about where I eat. Now any other time I would laugh and joke around and at first I did, but I knew there was an under lying reason on why she said that. We talked, she apologized and did express that she was insecure about me going out on a date with this particular person and was just being a bit irrational.
I'm so new at this that my first reaction to these insecurities was to not go on this date and to stay with her. But, I feel as if this action would be unfair to both of us. For when she wants to talk to another wherever we are, I allow her space and let her be who she is. So not going out on this date could possibly start a ripple affect of I date her while she dates many. And I'm not okay with that.
My question is how can I calm my lovers nerves and insecurities and still be able to explore this new lifestyle with her? I thought she would be my guide through all my questions but I believe her past might be playing a role right now.
Any thoughts or advice is greatly appreciated
It's great that you stayed in communication with her about dating her friend and all, but next time don't ask your girlfriend for a recommendation on a restaurant to take someone else out. That comes off as kind of asking her to manage your date for you, IMO. That is something that I would see old, established couples doing when they know each other very well. Manage each of your own relationships separately. Plus, your girlfriend may be the type of person who wants the honesty and knowing what you're up to, but not have every detail in her face! TMI, you know? Just keep her informed of enough so that she knows you are seeing someone but don't give her details unless she wants them.
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