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-   -   Hierarchy in a triad? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27341)

Pliglet 08-27-2012 05:43 AM

Hierarchy in a triad?
 
Has anyone found that there is a hierarchy of some description within their triad?

fDP pointed out to me is morning that she has a tendacy to call me 'darling girl', and was asking whether I felt like she was trying to assert herself as 'lead female' because she worries that she's infantilising me to a degree. I hadn't really noticed, LOL, but at the same time, I do defer to her as the den mother a bit. She's the one who runs the household, and I only take over the running if she's sick or not there.

So maybe it's not so much about the dynamic of the triad, so much as the dynamic between the two members of the same sex. :confused:

Pliglet 08-28-2012 07:43 AM

Bump, since I'm in a different time zone lol

Anneintherain 08-28-2012 07:56 AM

I've often read similar things to this - and of course usually its the one who is already present in the household that does have more of a "claim" on how the household is run - home decor, brands of food that come into the house, scheduling. Truth is most guys don't care about things that are important to how a house runs, so it would become more apparent to be a hierarchy when there are two people who care and are used to their own ways coming into a house together.

I've never been in a triad, but the two time I have lived with other women it's been the one who cares more about stuff like that takes/tries to take the reigns. That is why I will never live with another woman (or man who has a strong opinion about the subject of interior design), I like things my way ;)

MrFarFromRight 09-12-2012 10:48 AM

Hi! I gather from your other posts that none of the children are biologically yours. Do you think that this might play a role?

RfromRMC 09-12-2012 12:02 PM

One developed in the triad I was in.
I guess it's naturual in a way. Heck, I'm sure it happens even in a couple.
It's how everyone handles it that makes the difference!
In my case, it actually was the cause of many conflicts. I think because the other two both had "Alpha" personalities and they clashed like rams. It wasn't pretty.

GalaGirl 09-12-2012 12:57 PM

I'm in a dynamic duo and I'm the captain and he's the first mate.

I don't think of it as heirarchy -- we make all decisions together equally.

But in daily operations?

It's just how we naturally work together in the Household Company. SOMEONE is the one functioning as the heartbeat of the home, making the calendar things, the chore chart, moving things along.

I can totally see someone in your triad functioning as "den mother" because someone's got to organize things.

But if the roles for this semester were decided and agreed upon are thus-- well? What of it?

Quote:

fDP pointed out to me is morning that she has a tendacy to call me 'darling girl', and was asking whether I felt like she was trying to assert herself as 'lead female' because she worries that she's infantilising me to a degree.
Tell her she's fine and to stop excess worry where none is warranted.

*shrug*

GG

Pliglet 09-12-2012 03:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anneintherain (Post 150999)
I've never been in a triad, but the two time I have lived with other women it's been the one who cares more about stuff like that takes/tries to take the reigns. That is why I will never live with another woman (or man who has a strong opinion about the subject of interior design), I like things my way ;)

Lol, we have very similar tastes in house decor, so we SHARE most of it - its more the actual regular household.
Quote:

Originally Posted by MrFarFromRight (Post 154258)
Hi! I gather from your other posts that none of the children are biologically yours. Do you think that this might play a role?

Not yet. And yes i think it probably does.
I was speculating that it might change slightly when i have a baby. But i'm not sure. I think she'll baby me while i'm pregnant :p

Quote:

Originally Posted by RfromRMC (Post 154276)
One developed in the triad I was in.
I guess it's naturual in a way. Heck, I'm sure it happens even in a couple.
It's how everyone handles it that makes the difference!
In my case, it actually was the cause of many conflicts. I think because the other two both had "Alpha" personalities and they clashed like rams. It wasn't pretty.

I sometimes worry that it makes me slack of. Because i'm 'allowed' to focus on uni first, so i'll put parenting/house on a backburner when i'm stressed.
Hoping that when i am done with uni i'll get my @ss in gear a bit - although i'll be one of the working parents, so i assume the fact that i will bring in an income will still keep her in a different position to myself. maybe
Quote:

Originally Posted by GalaGirl (Post 154286)
But in daily operations?

Tell her she's fine and to stop excess worry where none is warranted.

hehe - i think 'daily operations' is probably a good way to explain the difference. thankyou. that way its something that could change, rather than a fixed set.

I have told her you said to stop worrying. she forgot what she'd been worrying about :p


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