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-   -   Still Blinking in the Sun (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2728)

MrRusty 05-06-2010 06:05 PM

Still Blinking in the Sun

I came across some articles about Polyamory on t'internet for the first time yesterday.

What an epiphany! I am past fifty and I have been repressing this in myself for over three decades. Can you imagine the relief to find it's not the case that I am incapable of proper love? Can you feel the relief that their just might be a way for me to express feelings outside of my No 1 relationship without deceit? I am alternately weeping and grinning.

I am feeling the way homosexuals talk and write about their feelings when they discover and admit what they truly are, and 'come out' as gays. Emotionally it's a rebirth.

So share my joy for a while, then please, some of you help me deal lovingly with my poor wife who just doesn't get this (yet, I pray).

Help me talk to my sister who is about 10 years behind me so that I can save her some grief if possible, and help my find what to say to my 20 year old daughter who is showing strong signs of Polyamic (is that right) tendencies already

I am so so grateful to the people who have articles online and look forward to sharing thoughts and experiences here.


idealist 05-06-2010 07:06 PM

Welcome !!
Yes, I can understand how you feel!! I just "came out" to myself as poly recently (within the last several months) although it seems that I had been setting things up for years to get to this lifestyle.
It's an emotional ride, though. The happiness of "coming out" is incredible but the disappointment when a lover doesn't want to participate is difficult. Feeling judged is something I am dealing with now.
Keep posting and reading....an be patient !!
Good luck and hope to hear more!!

MrRusty 05-06-2010 10:56 PM

Hey, yeah, you put it very well. I am literally a day from the lights coming on, and have not confronted my partner face-to-face, although I've been writing to her explaining what's going ion. It felt really good to realise I actually love her much more than I thought I did, because I thought if I loved her properly I'd not look at other women. But as you say I expect she will not want to participate,

Can you write more about feeling judged? I'd like to understand,

LovingRadiance 05-07-2010 03:28 AM

Welcome to the board.
Congratulations on finding yourself.

Read lots-there are TONS of personal stories on here. :) The good bad and the ugly! (I think mine is pretty much all three!)

Zenchild 05-09-2010 11:03 AM

Hallo Rusty....I can feel your smile from here!

I'm new to these boards as well, haven't made and intro myself as of yet. I did start a thread asking for suggestions on sharing my feelings with my husband. It's still sort of sinking in that this is who I am. Unfortunately I have a bad habit of doubting myself...but when I talk about this with others there is such a sense of calm and rightness to it.

May I ask what events have led you this discovery recently?

MrRusty 05-09-2010 01:27 PM

Jack out of the box
Hey, Zenchild.
You can always ASK, and in this case I am happy to reply :)

Unfortunately I have gotten it all a bit wrong and not only waited 30 years to find out what I already know -well, I guess the revelation is that I'm not alone (damn that is such a cliche)- but it has taken a falling-in-love to make me realise what's going on.

I have - like lots of people on here I suppose (Hi everyone) met a few very special people down the years. Three or maybe four attracted me hugely strongly; two of those I worked with and know I could've grown to love. I do actually believe in love at first sight, by the way. And it happened again about two years ago with a work colleague. I was so smitten I could hardly speak.

We met for lunch once or twice a week, often at her instigation, and chatted in the office about work and careers and - well pretty much anything. It was so easy to talk together. Romance at work is complicated so we didn't meet after work or at weekends.

Anyway my job finished (it was a contract) and I couldn't bear the idea of losing yet another 'special' friend. So I plucked up courage and asked her if I could see her occasionally privately. She agreed and over the next half a year we went from an hour in a coffee shop to going for walks and the cinema together, cuddling and holding hands. No sex, not even kissing. Two years on it's still a great friendship. She makes me feel better about being me - and when I say things like that she says things like "stop reading my mind". It's so beautiful. We are very, very close and if I had not been married would've been bed partners ages ago, just to try and express our love.

What brought me here was talking to her about our relationship and where she sees this going given that I also have a wife that I will not leave. We talked about the future, about a partner for her and her family-making plans. She said anyone she partnered would have to accept her relationship with me.

Wow. That rocked me.

So the next morning (we finished chatting at about 2am as usual) I googled something like 'open relationships' and the lid flew open like a jack-in-a-box.

Why wasn't there an internet in 1980??

That's pretty much where I am - I have come out to my mono wife which has upset her but at least explains why I have been such a sod to live with for so long. She's a bit low at the moment but a very strong person, so I am hopeful, with love and care she might be able to help me. I am delighted that I finally realise how much she means to me, and that helps a lot too.

Sorry, did you realise what you were unleashing with that simple question?

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