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-   -   New to the whole shebang...and confused (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=27260)

whoamireally22 08-26-2012 02:01 AM

New to the whole shebang...and confused
I am 22, and live with my fiancÚ in MN. I am not poly. To be honest, I didn't even know what it was and neither did my fiancÚ until someone told him about it. Once he had a word to go with what he was feeling, he came out to me that he was in love with a friend of ours as well. Ever since then, though I have for the most part accepted his overall feelings, I have been fighting myself that he is happy, even if I am a little heart broken.

GalaGirl 08-26-2012 03:32 AM

So he has a crush on someone.

That doesn't mean he is poly. Or he IS poly, and wants to be with YOU. Just... has feelings of crushy he wants to share and express because YOU are his partner.

But just because he feels crushes doesn't mean he wants to act on it or do anything about it other than share his feelings with YOU, his partner.

Most of the times when I have crushes they go away in time because I don't do anything about other than tell my spouse. He laughs, teases me, and in time the crush fades because there's nothing real to sustain it.


What matters in YOUR agreement with your BF for your rship. If it is Closed, it is Closed. You do not have to Open it just because he experiences some crushes.


kdt26417 08-26-2012 09:25 PM

Hello Who Am I,
Welcome to our forum.

I think you are kind of in the mourning process of having thought you and your fiancÚ were "The Only One" for each other. Give yourself some time to just get used to this radical change in things -- and I'd even suggest put any wedding plans on hold until you get through this. You may have to decide whether you want to stay together. Is a poly relationship something you can live with? Do you feel like it's worth it?

GalaGirl and polyhope both had good things to say too. Give those posts some thought.

Glad you could be with us,
Kevin T.

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