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-   -   Not yet a poly... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2694)

sanignacio08 05-02-2010 11:32 PM

Not yet a poly...
Just a short intro here,my husband and I are interested in sharing our life with another woman,I am bi,he's not,but was made aware of my bisexuality very early into our friendship turned relationship.He apparently has had exp. in poly relationship with his first wife many years ago before we met,which gives him an edge on accepting me for who I am.
He is ten yrs. older than I and at times seems to be more interested in me finding a partener than I am.His reasoning is that he'd like for me to be not only happy,but to know I'll have someone in my life if something should happen to him.We do love each other,and like him,I too would love to meet that special person,but it has'nt happen.I do miss that feminine part of my life,though being married now,not sure how I would handle having another in our lives with the possibility of having to "share" her with hubby.????

Has anyone been through such an experience> If so,what was the course taken,and the longterm outcome.We are both over 55 yo.

Please be kind,am new to this lifestyle,and this site!


GroundedSpirit 05-02-2010 11:51 PM

Hi Sani and welcome !

Don't think you'll have to worry a lot about folk here being "kind". Pretty darn respectful and kind bunch here from all walks of life.

So yea - you have a dream and your name isn't Martin ! :)
But it's a long way to poly yet.
The fact that your hubby seems as encouraging as he is - well c'mon.......think about it ? One man - two women ? Imagine that.
Now there's nothing inherently wrong with that - far from it. But in starting down this path I'm thinking this might be a good point to get involved in Honesty 101. Call a spade a spade - and start getting used to doing so.

And while you're at it, it might be fun to just bring up the possibility of you discovering another male lover ! Good check for the reaction and a lead-in to some great discussion. Good chance to see how serious hubby is about you having "someone" in case something happened to him.
Last I knew, "someone" was a gender neutral term ? :)

But happy you guys are starting this discussion, because it can in many cases take your own relationship to another level. Even if no 3rd, 4th etc party ever actually enters the picture, the discussions you have and insights you gain will be priceless.
Keep studying, keep talking and feel free to ask/contribute here anytime !


sanignacio08 05-02-2010 11:56 PM

Thanks for the input,as a matter of fact,he has also given his blessings that if the other person is male,he would have no reservations.Though I have always "laughed off" the possibility of that happenning,I know he is serious.He is a truly kind,generous,selfless,and loving man.

Ariakas 05-03-2010 01:00 AM


Originally Posted by sanignacio08 (Post 28251)
Please be kind,am new to this lifestyle,and this site!


We're all kind, most of us have been there, are there, want to be there. :)

Welcome to the site.

redpepper 05-03-2010 05:15 AM

It doesn't sound like he wants to share said woman with you... I'm wondering what is behind adding the question at the end about doing so. There is no reason you would have to. It is a good idea that they know each other, and better yet, get a long, but it isn't necessary for her to be shared.

This sounds like something you have wanted and needed in you life and it sounds like your man is very willing for you to pursue it. That is great! Enjoy the ride and please feel free to let us know how it goes. There is a lot to read on here and else where on poly, I hope you take the time to educate yourself. It seems you have already started by being here :)

DrunkenPorcupine 05-03-2010 06:25 AM

I'm actually curious to why you say you're "not yet" poly. Poly is about relationships and love, not about sex. I even go a bit beyond that and say that being poly is about being open to many loves and once you've opened your heart and mind, you're poly. :)

Welcome to the community here. I hope you have fun learning from our mistakes and teaching others through sharing yours. ;)

sanignacio08 05-03-2010 02:48 PM

Well,I told hubby last night about being on this forum,and shared with him some of the posts that I've read thus far;he listened quietly,then said.."good for you hon,hope it all helps"!

Redpepper...I'm not sure re: having to share,just a thought.Time will tell.

Drunkenp..My reason for not being a poly all these years,well,when I met hubby early 07 I was at the beginning of making my exit to Central America where we now live,so did'nt want to bring a third party into the chaos of it all.We're now settled here,and the time has finally arrived for me to be able to focus on my personal needs.Though not sure how,for this is a very,very conservative country,quite homophobic,not open to anything but what they consider.."the norm"!;but I'm ready to give it a try! (:>...

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