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-   -   Newly discovered Poly (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26704)

Kesrie 08-18-2012 10:39 AM

Newly discovered Poly
 
Hi everyone! I discovered these forums a few days ago, and it's been a huge help in discovering and learning more about Polyamory! I realised I was Poly about 2 months ago, so I'm still pretty new to it all.

I'm a 21 year old gay male, in a LTR with my soul mate, L, who I got engaged to a month and a half ago (I'm lucky to have met him so young!). L is pretty mono, though we have had a slightly open relationship for half a year now (occasional threesomes, even less occasional twosomes outside of the relationship).

About 2 months ago we started seeing a friend of a friend who came out with us one night. I was dancing a lot with him (after getting permission from L, as it's really important to me that L is 100% comfortable with anything), and then when we went out to the smoking area I was telling him how L and I had a slightly open relationship. So we ended up kissing, and it was great. We invited him back to ours, but then due to crappy signal and a busy club, we lost him.

So fastforward a couple of days - I go round to G's, and hang out for a couple of hours (and have sex), then I go home to L. Great, it was originally only really about sex anyway. L goes round to his a few evenings later to do the same thing, but stays over because I'm visiting home anyway. The next day L flies over to Ireland to meet me, and 3 days later I propose :) Hooray, engaged, couldn't be happier!

So when we get back to Scotland, L has a 1 day stay in Glasgow before going to the other side of Scotland to see his family for a week. I ask L if it's okay for me to spend a number of evenings with G, since otherwise I'd be sitting at home by myself, bored. He's totally cool with it, so I end up staying at G's for 4 evenings in the week. Over that week, G and I really bonded, and we started realising we want more than just a sexual relationship.

It was around this time that I discovered what polyamory was, and I showed it to both L and G. G is 5 years older than us, and has been in a few LTR in the past that didn't work out, so he was interested in trying anything other that a mono LTR again (whether that be single, playing the scene, or a poly relationship, anything different was interesting to him)

Fast forward to now: G and I are in love; G and L get on really well and the sex is great and all, but G says there's not the same romantic spark between the two of them; G is struggling with the fact that he's in love with someone that isn't "his"

I think what I've been trying to create a triad relationship, when maybe a V would work better in this situation? Also, I'm pretty sure G is mono too, so my whole situation is a slight shambles =/

The current situation is that on Wednesday night (it's Saturday today) G told me he realised he was falling in love with me, and that he couldn't do this anymore, he just couldn't (we were both slightly drunk at the time). I was absolutely heartbroken, as I'd realised I was in love with him recently too. We've been texting the last few days and we're meeting for a talk tonight. The texts have been pretty much "I'm not coping without seeing you", "I love you", "I miss you", etc. so I'm pretty sure neither of us are ready for things to end yet, though there's no clear solution to our problem.

So yeah, that's pretty much my entire poly situation right now. I'm not sure if this still classifies as just an introduction (if not, soz!)

But yeah, I really love this forums already, reading other peoples' stories is REALLY helping me get my head around everything, and understand the poly world better. So that's what I hope to get out of these forums: an education, advice when needed, that sort of stuff!

Thanks for reading :)
-Jamie

kdt26417 08-19-2012 12:25 AM

Hi Jamie,
Welcome to our forum.

You have an interesting story, and an interesting situation. I see a potential there for a V relationship where you are the "hinge." G and L would both have to be okay with it, though.

The thing here is, I think, to not rule something out just because it's out of the ordinary. V relationships do happen, and work out every day. I am in a V myself, and am one of the "arms." So sure I just have one romantic partner, whereas she has two romantic partners (me and one other guy), but I am okay with that. It's just something that takes some adjusting. We had to work out our "bumps in the road" during our first couple of years.

I guess I am also encouraging you (and L and G) to not be spooked by you being polyamorous and both of them being monogamous. Mono/poly relationships can work out in real life as well.

Anyway, I'm glad you could join us, and hope you enjoy your stay.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.


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