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Thatoneguy 08-17-2012 05:34 AM

Hello all, looking for more information.
 
Hey all,

I'm glad I found this site because I've been hoping to talk to some people about a polyamorous relationship that my wife and I want to explore. So I guess I'll run it down.

I've been married for 4 years now and my wife and I are in a loving and committed relationship. However, we have been talking about polyamory off and on for the last two years. The idea that we have alot of love for one another and we want to include another woman.

Im hetero and she is bi, so the choice of another woman was obvious. However the more I read the less I'm sure that polyamory is the correct term for what we want. We're not just looking for an extra sex partner either and we've not met anyone that we both have feelings for yet. But that doesnt change our minds on the subject we both feel that we would like to be involved in a larger relationship, but still be 'monogamous' with each other (meaning all three of us).

We both want to meet another woman who is into both of us equally and we can share an intimate closed relationship (I think that's the term) with. I was looking through the glossary and found the definition of "hbf" and laughed because I didnt realize that it was considered so impossible to find someone like that.

Anyways I guess what I'm really after is finding out if there is anyone I can talk to about a relationship they may be in, similar to this. I realize I may be the zillionth person to ask this question but I figure that I should anyway.

Thanks in advance
Thatoneguy

CielDuMatin 08-17-2012 06:55 PM

Hi and welcome to the forum.

First, the terminology: the poly term for what you are looking for is a "closed triad" and it is most definitely a form of polyamory, since each of you love more than one.

You may also have hear the term "Unicorn Hunters" - what you are looking for may well be a unicorn (mythical creatures that don't exist), but there is one factor in there which makes it non-typical of the Unicorn Hunters (UH) - you are looking for someone that will be an equal part of your relationship, rather than a "2+1" type of thing. This is different from the stereotypical UH that want someone at their beck-and-call when it suits them, but someone that can be conveniently placed to one side when it doesn't suit them for whatever reason.

The only word of caution that I will give you - you use the term "We both want to meet another woman who is into both of us equally" - based on everything I have heard that is going to be almost impossible to find and sustain. Feelings are not something that can be controlled, nor should they be - in a triad, there are three pairings plus the group dynamic - you can't ignore those pairings and only look at the group dynamic, becasue there are going to be times when one has to travel for whatever reason, leaving the other two to "be" for a while. Expecting that somehow magically all the feelings are going to be equal makes it very very hard.

And, as I hinted at - even if you find someone that starts out like this, putting controls in place to stop things becoming imbalanced starts putting artificial restrictions on love. That can feel very stifling.

So I would suggest that you do a little rework on that condition of the triad - maybe allow each relationship to grow with its own dynamic. I think that this stands a lot better chance of working for you.

kdt26417 08-18-2012 11:43 PM

Hello Thatoneguy,
Welcome to our forum.

I would basically second what CielDuMatin said: Try to be flexible about all three people being into each other equally. All people are unique, and each dyad relationship is unique. Any person in your triad may very well be into one person more than another, and forcing (or pushing, via expectations) the issue may cause some drama and heartaches.

As far as reading about experiences similar to the one you're contemplating, you might try a tag search for "triad." You could even try a tag search for "unicorn." There will no doubt be a lot of threads to sort through.

No need to rush into anything, take your time and invest some research into the subject.

Regards,
Kevin T.


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