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scubadiver1 08-16-2012 05:31 PM

Am I Wrong?
I have recently joined this site. I live in the UK. I thought that polyamory was about sharing a full relationship within a family...eg..living together as mmf or ffm. I ask the question because there seems to be many on here asking to meet just for sex....am i wrong in my thinking about polyamory?

Dont get me wrong..i want and enjoy sex but i want that within a family ..not just in a hotel

GalaGirl 08-16-2012 05:41 PM

There's many types of ethical nonmogamy, and polyamory is one possible limb.

(Other limbs on the ethical nonmonogamy tree could include things like casual, recreational sex -- soft or hard swinging. )

But even in that polyamorous limb, there's STILL many branches shooting off it for HOW to BE polyamorous. You seem to be after a cohabitating "V" or "triad" perhaps even going out to calling it a group marriage?

Here's one article about various models.



nycindie 08-16-2012 05:42 PM

There is a section here where people post "personal ads" and some of them are very sex-focused, but polyamory is not all about sex. Sex can be an important part of any relationship, whether polyamorous or monogamous, and we like to discuss sex here lots of times, but poly's focus for most folks is on developing and nurturing multiple love relationships. Hooking up for casual sex and not having any further relationship with someone isn't really polyamory, but a polyamorist can do that if they choose, of course.

Furthermore, in no way is one required to be part part of a communal living situation or family to be a polyamorist. And poly tangles don't have to be limited to three people and only polyfidelitous. One can be single, live alone, and have multiple lovers who do not know each other, or be part of a large tribe where everyone lives together and is intimate with each other, and anywhere in between. Read around here, and pick up some books on it (there is a suggestion list on this forum), and you'll see there are many many ways to practice polyamory.

scubadiver1 08-16-2012 05:46 PM

Thank you gala i will look at the link...i have been married before...i enjoy a relationship outside of the bed..or whereever sex occurs...as i feel that within a family there should be openess.,..about alll matters including sex,,,that is why i was looking to become part of that...maybe i should start by looking at finding someone or a couple to have sex with and hope it will lead to a full relationship/..any help is most welcome

GalaGirl 08-16-2012 07:05 PM

I think it would work out more successfully to spend time with YOURSELF and get your list of wants, needs, and limits sorted out.

If you want to end up with a shot at a cohabitating V and/or triad thing SAY SO. Then you are attracting the people who WANT THAT TOO. Then you can date and negotiate.

Ups your dating success to shop at the right place. Rather than wander all over the store kinda aimless.


scubadiver1 08-16-2012 10:21 PM

Thanks for your advice.....:)

nycindie 08-16-2012 10:51 PM


Originally Posted by scubadiver1 (Post 148528)
...maybe i should start by looking at finding someone or a couple to have sex with and hope it will lead to a full relationship/

:confused: That is a really odd statement to make after your first post.

scubadiver1 08-17-2012 10:53 AM

I am here to try and find happiness....i am open to looking at all possibilities

km34 08-17-2012 11:07 AM

I think being open to various situations is great, but knowing what you want long-term is really important. If you decide to try to find a couple and start sexually, they may want that to be the extent of the relationship whereas you're hoping it'll grow so making sure you communicate about what's okay for now and what's okay in the long run is really important to avoid drama, hurt feelings, and general unpleasantness.

I definitely recommend reading (either books, websites, or just this forum) to help narrow down what you want/need so that you can be very clear when you start meeting people.

Good luck in your search! :)

scubadiver1 08-17-2012 05:20 PM

thank you.....i am so frustrated since my divorce...i know what i want and need but cant find it.....yes i want sex...but more to

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