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-   -   Some unbiased advice? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26524)

jennygreen 08-13-2012 03:51 PM

Some unbiased advice?
 
Straight to the point:

I've been considering polyamory for a long time. I've never felt fulfilled in a monogamous relationship, and have always tried to convince myself otherwise and believe that I'll learnt to be fulfilled.

I have a wonderful partner, whom I love and respect very much. While I could be wrong, I am almost certain than broaching this subject with my partner could lead to the end of the relationship (and ifnot, to problems within the relationship without solving anything for e).

What I'm trying to work out is... is it worth it?

I'm in a strong, happy relationship. I've never experienced being in polyamorous relationship and therefore can't even be absolutely sure that it's the right choice for me. Yet I've felt for many years that I'm not fulfilled in a monogamous relationship. I'm not really sure what might be a good next step for me.

If anyone has any words of wisdom that might help me I would be very grateful.

CielDuMatin 08-13-2012 04:18 PM

Well, first up, there's no such thing as truly unbiased advice - we all have our own sets of filters and paradigms we work with. :)

The big question, for me, is what do you feel you are missing to not feel fulfilled? Do you feel that this is specific to your current relationship, or has this been something that you have felt in the context of previous relationships too.

I think that it's worth trying to come up with those answers first - post them here if you'd like some feedback. I find it hard to really give advice without knowing this.

SNeacail 08-13-2012 04:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jennygreen (Post 148009)
I have a wonderful partner, whom I love and respect very much. While I could be wrong, I am almost certain than broaching this subject with my partner could lead to the end of the relationship (and ifnot, to problems within the relationship without solving anything for e).

It sounds like you might have some work to do on your relationship if you guys can't talk about stuff. There is a BIG difference between discussing options and acting on your desires. As being able to communicate to your partners is absolutely essential in poly or any long lasting relationship, start your work here. Do some "tag" searches on communication, foundations, lessons, etc. You can get some insight to what others have learned on their own journey.

GalaGirl 08-13-2012 07:09 PM

Quote:

I have a wonderful partner, whom I love and respect very much. While I could be wrong, I am almost certain than broaching this subject with my partner could lead to the end of the relationship (and ifnot, to problems within the relationship without solving anything for e).
I am not happy being in a relationship where I have to hide parts of me.

My longer feelings on that here.

In your case? If you were in my universe?
  • Your partner would have the right to clear communication.
  • Your holding back could be a lie of omission -- if your NOT sharing this impacts the rship in some way.
  • You have the responsibility to know and state your wants, needs, and limits.

Spit it OUT.

Just you articulating ...

"Hey partner? Can we talk about my internal weather? I've been having these ideas and feelings. I just want to talk about it to air it out some so I can get a better handle on it. Can we set time aside to do that?"


... should not make or break the relationship. Just talking is not you ACTING on it or betraying anyone. You are playing ball here. Who else do you go to for emotional intimacy and Vulnerable Things Shared if not your partner?

Don't sell yourself or your partner short. Speak your truth -- if even at a whisper.

GalaGirl

LovingRadiance 08-13-2012 07:47 PM

GG-you have the greatest, simple points.

(I agree with all 3 above posters advice).

dragonflysky 08-14-2012 06:11 AM

A helpful question might be......Do you feel fulfilled as an individual human being? If not, all the relationships in the world with multiple people are not likely to help you feel fulfilled. That was one thing I asked myself over and over when considering divorcing my first husband. Was my dis-satisfaction, lack of fulfillment, a result of the relationship or some lack in me that I might not want to face up to and work on??


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