Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Hi! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26486)

trystann 08-12-2012 05:00 PM

Hello, everyone!

I'm new to poly, and just recently entered into a relationship with a wonderful man who has been poly for quite a while. I'm still trying to adjust to the change in thinking with regards to a poly lifestyle. Logically, things make sense. However, it's a matter of overcoming the years of teaching that these sorts of things are "wrong". I find myself having knee-jerk reactions to various things, even though I know better.

I'm not sure what else to write here. There are lots of things I'd like to know (and some things I'm struggling with at the moment), but I'll save those for elsewhere. ;)

CielDuMatin 08-12-2012 05:16 PM

trystann, welcome to the forum.

Nothing wrong with having lots of questions - I hope that the good folks here can help you find the answers you seek!

kdt26417 08-14-2012 03:56 AM

Hi trystann,
Welcome to our forum.

I'm sure it will take you awhile to get to a place where you are emotionally comfortable with polyamory, even if intellectually you're already there. Check out our different threads, and post any thoughts/questions/concerns you may have.

Nice to have you aboard,
Kevin T.

trystann 08-14-2012 10:21 AM


I've been looking around and reading a lot of the threads. They've been very informative, although I'm still a bit hesitant to jump in. I don't want to ask questions that have already been asked a million times. :(

One of my struggles, currently, is the fact that I'm in a long distance relationship with my partner. I know that I'm his primary, but the thought keeps popping up that, since I'm not physically present, he'll find "someone better". I know perfectly well it's not true, but it's something that's popped up in my mind, and I'm sure it's related to the old way of thinking. I've talked with him about this, and he's been very kind in reassuring me that this is *not* the case at all.

Anyhow, that's probably enough about me for now. ;)

Thanks again for the welcome!

kdt26417 08-14-2012 11:06 PM

Not a problem, glad you're here.

Long-distance relationships are always rough, for a lot of reasons. Luckily poly doesn't limit anyone to a single partner, so there are options here and they don't all involve "canceling a primary."

Will this relationship always be long-distance? Any plans to eventually move closer together? I'm just curious.

Sometimes you can use the site's search feature to see if a question's already been asked; also there is a "Golden Nuggets" board. But it would be hard to avoid repeating a question that had already been asked here or there, so I suggest don't be too nervous about posting a question anew.

Hope we can be of help,
Kevin T.

trystann 08-14-2012 11:47 PM

The plan is for us to eventually move closer together. I'm currently under contract with my job until the end of June 2013, so I can't really move until then. He needs to stay where he is due to work and kids, as well. I'm hoping that I might be able to move next summer, but it really depends on if I can find a job in that area.

I hope it doesn't come across that I wouldn't be happy if he did find someone to hang out with where he's at. I'd love for him to be able to have someone physically there. It's just the other thoughts keep popping up. Hopefully, I'll be able to get those under control.

Thanks so much for the help, Kevin! :)

zenith 08-15-2012 04:37 AM


I'm new here also, and also still adjusting to this way of life. I hope you find the answers you are looking for in the forums!

kdt26417 08-15-2012 08:49 PM

I hope that the year is not too long a one for you. ;)

trystann 08-17-2012 11:07 AM

I hope it's not too long as well. It's going to be tough, but hopefully we'll survive it. :)

Storm77 08-19-2012 01:40 AM

Well welcome to the forum trystann and I do understand changing those perceptions of what would normally be acceptable and unacceptable with other people.

My wife and I have only truly been poly for a couple months. We did meet one couple nearby and we both had the same awkward moments they thought we were not interested in them. Unfortunately (for me) the male of the couple is interested in my wife and they are dating about once a month. I'm stuck with trying to find any woman even remotely open to the concept of polyamory without thinking I'm a cheating husband or common guy just looking to sleep around, lol.

It takes a strong relationship, almost no jealousy and alot of work to make it work even more than a normal mono relationship calls for. We thought we were very rock solid and stable in our marriage but still dealing with alot of bad feelings.

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