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-   -   I have a crush (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2648)

redsirenn 04-27-2010 05:16 PM

I have a crush
I haven't been on here in a while - had not yet talked to Ouroboros about it, and didn't want him reading this forum before I had time to figure out what I was going to do. Well - he brought up some stuff last night, and it came out.

Going to get coffee or a brew later with J. This territory is terrifying!


ourquad 04-27-2010 11:05 PM

Well, congratulations!!

Terrifying isn't boring. You are feeling something and not closed off. I consider that a good thing.

Good luck to you!

DrunkenPorcupine 04-29-2010 05:44 AM


You are feeling something and not closed off. I consider that a good thing.
Very much this. :)

I recently had a (very short lived) relationship with a male-female couple that I walked into for fun. I knew it didn't quite feel right in the beginning but I let myself have some fun with it, see where we progressed.

Feeling is a good thing. You learn about yourself and your partners and that's always a good thing whatever the outcome.

Have fun!

redsirenn 05-06-2010 08:39 PM


Nothing has happened with crush "J" romantically yet. We have been hanging out, and making plans and there is that tension in the air.

I noticed how wierd I started feeling when around him and talked with O last night about it. He is truly amazing. It was great to get this off my chest, and to even get a mini pep talk about "just being myself".


feeling good.:cool:

Zenchild 05-11-2010 10:10 PM


Originally Posted by redsirenn (Post 27788)
This territory is terrifying!

Remember to breathe! As my SO says...embrace the feeling of fear when it comes your way, it means you've got an opportunity to grow.

rolypoly 05-11-2010 11:24 PM

Good for you redsirenn!


Originally Posted by Zenchild (Post 29342)
Remember to breathe! As my SO says...embrace the feeling of fear when it comes your way, it means you've got an opportunity to grow.

Wonderful words to find comfort in Zenchild. :)

MonoVCPHG 05-12-2010 12:32 AM

Update Please :)

Tonberry 05-12-2010 11:36 AM

I have a crush too. Hopefully I'm allowed to hijack this thread to share my own story too? I thought they might be relevant to each other :)

I feel like I'm really falling for a guy from another forum. I really don't know what to do about it. I think he likes me as a friend, and since he knows I'm married I doubt there is more to it. What's more, because it's only from a forum and not in real life, I know next to nothing about is life, if he's got someone, etc.

I really, really like him, and I care more about keeping him in my life, even as a friend, than being with him, that is I'm not willing to risk losing him by freaking him out. I'm wondering if I should give up right now because of all the difficulties: I don't know if he's single, he knows I'm not, I don't know how to bring up that I'm polyamorous without it sounding creepy to him, I don't know if he likes me but is just assuming I'm being friendly since I have someone, etc, etc.

It's the first time this has happened since I've been with my husband (5 years). And we talked together, we're at a point where I'm comfortable with the situation with my husband, and not worried about him, and he's feeling good about our relationship too.

So it's all very new to me. All of the feelings and experiences of falling in love with someone, but with an added difficulty (as if there needed one!) or my polyamorous situation.
My husband and I have agreed that we don't want to be too open about being a poly couple. When we first told people, they all started assuming things, among which:
- we are evil people
- our couple is about to fall apart and we're not even trying to save it
- we're having sex with absolutely everyone we ever see
- since that's the case, they can try having sex with us and act all offended when we reject them

It wasn't very nice, so we realised the difficulties with being completely in the open. As a result, of course, people are going to assume we're a "normal" mono couple, and that makes it hard to get closer to someone I like.
And I don't want to hit on him in a very aggressive way, just get closer...

I was wondering how people handle that? I'm sure each situation is different, but some testimonies might help. Since I care about him, if would really hurt to be rejected based on being poly :(

How are things going for you, redsiren? Care to share more about your own situation? I'd be really interested :)

redsirenn 05-13-2010 05:35 PM

well - i have been out of town on research, so nothing to report on crush territory.... busy busy PhD! He invited me to dinner, but I was knee deep in mud at my field site ;)

I am continuing to talk with Ouroboros about it, which is lovely. He seems to be reacting to the whole thing. I think it freaks him out a bit. I don't like seeing him upset - although he is still very supportive. At the same time, I know how this feels, been there, done that, and in a way I am glad he is getting some of those feelings too.

I want to understand each other through this...

We have something really great here, and it is wonderful to be reminded of it through these conversations. :D

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