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-   -   How do you find poly people?????? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26381)

mlb823 08-11-2012 02:21 AM

How do you find poly people??????
I am just starting this journey or search on my own. I am very new to all of this and have never had this type of relationship although i think it is what i yearn to have. in either a TRIAD type of relationship or a mfmf type.

My question is what are my best resources of finding other poly people in my area.....St Louis. i have googled an not really come up with much.

I can always find the triad as far as sex. but i want the relationships with another man and woman and all of us together. it just seems to be more difficult than i imagined. and frustrating.

LovingRadiance 08-11-2012 02:37 AM

The LGBT community-if you get involved, and people start feeling safe and comfortable with you, they will start opening up. Many poly's are "in the closet" in the LGBT community. At least in our area.

Also, I'm very open and vocal about being poly, so other people who are poly tend to hear me talking about it and migrate in my direction.

mlb823 08-11-2012 02:40 AM

thank you.

i do go to the local "gay bars" so to speak. i feel quite comfortable there. i guess i need to start being more open with people about what i want and am looking for. it can be hard to do, especially when people have such pre conceived notions about it.

it is a great feeling to know what i want and yet so frustrating to try to actually FIND that.

km34 08-11-2012 02:49 AM

There is a yahoo group in STL. Not sure how active it is and you have to join to get info, but you might be able to find some poly-specific or poly-friendly events that way.

OkCupid is also a good poly-friendly site. If you make a profile you can search for "poly" as an interest and see if many profiles pop up.

Other than that... Just throw it out there now and then. Like LR said, a lot of people aren't really "out" until they get to know you or find out that you're poly too, so just being open and receptive will probably help. The LGBT community around here is almost anti-poly, but the poly community is almost as large so there is probably a bit of underlying competition that feeds the animosity. There is some overlap, but not much. It varies quite a bit by area, it seems, so trying to meet just one other local poly person is a good way to get started.

opalescent 08-12-2012 02:41 AM

You may have already tried this but meetup.com (which is free to join) may have poly groups listed in your area. Try polyamory, open, non-monogamous for keyword searches. Good luck!

nycindie 08-12-2012 03:31 AM

From a post in the Online Poly Resources thread in the Golden Nuggets forum:


Originally Posted by nycindie (Post 133686)

Also, do a Tag Search here for the term "meeting people" to find other threads on the topic.

Kommander 08-12-2012 03:47 AM

Well, you signed up here, so... you found us!

Although, I don't know how many people are here looking for dates though. There's a section for it, at the bottom of the main page, so I would assume some are. I'm not opposed to the idea of meeting people from this site and dating them, but it's not why I'm here, so I don't know what goes on in the Dating & Friendships section, or how many people frequent those areas.

InHateOF 08-23-2012 08:19 AM

I would be very careful about meeting people online. Make sure you know what you are doing. for instance, I check all my potential contacts here . Might save you a lot of troubles ;)

ThirdAlternative 08-23-2012 02:13 PM


Originally Posted by InHateOF (Post 149950)
I would be very careful about meeting people online. Make sure you know what you are doing. for instance, I check all my potential contacts here . Might save you a lot of troubles ;)

It's scary out there. Depending on who you are looking for (man or woman), you will run in to all sorts of 'interesting' individuals. I spent most of my time on aff. In my opinion, it's not the best place to seek a poly relationship since most mistake it with "having multiple sex partners". If you do use that site, your profile must be VERY CLEAR on what you are looking for, and even then, most won't read it 'cos they don't care what you want, it's about "i like your picture. i want you". I met very few genuine, honest, poly people on there. In 5 years, only one friend who I can say is poly told me "I love you" and we went on all types of dates, concerts, dinners, etc... That lasted about 8 months. A record! Most just want sex, take what they can get a few times, and run once they feel they can't handle the emotional aspect of it. They either want more, or can't find a 'happy place' with what it is. So they let go, rather abrubtly in most cases. Sad. I can't say that I'll not ever feel hurt when that happens, but it gets easier.

feelyunicorn 08-24-2012 02:59 PM


Originally Posted by LovingRadiance (Post 147549)
The LGBT community.

Yep. Non-monogamy has always been the norm in the LGBT community. They are light years ahead of the pack on gender, too.

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