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-   -   Greetings.....and all that jazz...;) (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2634)

Sunshinegrl 04-25-2010 10:34 AM

Greetings.....and all that jazz...;)
 
Hiya all!! Long time no see!!!! ;):D

Soo its been awhile since I have been around..suddenly I felt the urge to stop by and say hi. Hi!!!!


So a little bit of an update on the G.O here... We went through a lot of crap..which involved us taking a bit of a break from our "Poly" relationship. I was a little overwhelmed by things and was struggling with some of my own demons . And a discovery that relationship wise things were not quiet what we thought. So we discovered things were more Of a V then a triad and although there is alot of love and respect things between AB and AL The relationship wasn't as it was between her and I. We had a bit of a break and Al even dated someone else Briefly. But things picked up again and have been better then ever.

So We have mostly stayed away from here...Not because we dont love you guys...But we felt that we didn't really feel like we fit the "box" that "Poly" is.
I'm Just me and I love two people. Ab and Al love me and I them... and while they are not in love..they love and respect each other too. Hence..Poly but not. Things have been ALOT smoother and we have been alot happier since we stopped trying to label and put ourselves in to that box. I have missed the support and friendships that we found here and found that I needed to touch base.

Al still has a few months before Her visa is up and we are exploring a few options to keep her her. While her and I have a great "secondary" relationship..she has yet to find a "primary" relationship. But is looking. Everyone including the kiddos are happy and well.

I will admit I have lurked here somewhat to keep up to date a little..But just not felt the need to post. But I felt today the time had come to let some of our OL friends know what was going on. I may try to drop in from time to time. I see alot of new faces and I myself have grown alot.

AL may stop by..I know we have talked about some Of our friends here from time to time. I hope everyone is well and happy.

Yours,

Sunshine ☼

NeonKaos 04-25-2010 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunshinegrl (Post 27570)
Ab and Al love me and I them... and while they are not in love..they love and respect each other too. Hence..Poly but not.

I fail to see how this is "but not". Just because your relationship didn't fit into the pre-scribed geometry doesn't make it "not poly". I seem to recall people on this forum telling you that you don't HAVE to have a triad, and that it's not "all or nothing", and one of you (it was either you or AL) said "oh yes, yes we do, It IS all-or-nothing for us".

I'm glad you found a way to make it work after all.

ImaginaryIllusion 04-25-2010 02:24 PM

It's great to hear from you again SG....was wondering where the three of you had disappeared too. Glad you guys are still working things out even if it wasn't how you might have originally envisioned it.
Hope to hear more from all three of you once in a while...you're always welcome here...all of you.

Ariakas 04-25-2010 03:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunshinegrl (Post 27570)
So We have mostly stayed away from here...Not because we dont love you guys...But we felt that we didn't really feel like we fit the "box" that "Poly" is.

I understand that, but you are "more" poly than me right now. I am just in a good ole couples relationship. Doesn't mean I am less poly than I was a few months ago.

Congrats overall about your setup. Very cool success story, even with the bumps

vandalin 04-25-2010 03:06 PM

Welcome back! I was curious what happened to you three.

So currently you have a possible V relationship. Is that really so un-doable? I don't recall everything from the back story, but I do know that things do change over time. Maybe a V would be possible? And if not, that's ok too. You three had a great learning experience and probably a great time getting to really know each other and yourselves. :)

Gotta bolt for now though. Hope to see all three of you on here again though. :) Keep in touch!

ps. just because you feel you are not in an active poly relationship, doesn't mean you don't belong here or have anything to contribute. :D

Sunshinegrl 04-25-2010 10:27 PM

lol Ok I think I need to Clarrify... When I said Poly but not..It was more that why we DO have a Poly relationship.. and Yes I know we do..no denying that. Its more that we chose not to Put a label on it. Alot of the conflict I went through was caused by My need to try to fit was OUR relationship into the "box" that is Poly. All the so called rules and shit that you find in ALOT of the threads about here...We(read I) had to toss out the window to make this work for us. And while at first it WAS an all or nothing situation...we adjust to make it work for us. There are still Some things in our relationship that IS all or nothing. But there is no longer that expectaion that EVERYONE must be IN love with EVERYONE. Admittedly we were blind enough when we went into this ( before we discovered the Polamory label and then even after) to think that how it had to be. Also I know that If it wasn't for AL That I would not CHOOSE to live a Polyamours lifestyle. It just that I fell in love with two people. These two people. Hence My feeling of "poly but not." Hope that explains a little more. :)

aussielover 04-26-2010 04:11 AM

Hi,
Just thought I'd add some things here.
I think what SG is trying to say is that the labels of this poly world just don't seem to fit our relationship. We don't like them and before, we WERE trying to fit ourselves into this poly box that we simply don't fit in.

Our relationship (to me) is the same as it was before in regards to the dynamics. Things are just more open. We're more comfortable and we (please correct me if I'm wrong SG) are happier now that we've thrown away these self imposed words we thought we needed once we found this poly world.

Quote:

Originally Posted by YGirl (Post 27578)
I fail to see how this is "but not". Just because your relationship didn't fit into the pre-scribed geometry doesn't make it "not poly". I seem to recall people on this forum telling you that you don't HAVE to have a triad, and that it's not "all or nothing", and one of you (it was either you or AL) said "oh yes, yes we do, It IS all-or-nothing for us".

I think what she was trying to say here YGirl, is that its not something any of us would have thought of if we hadn't met each other. We don't have the 'average' poly relationship where it's clearly a V or Triad (when there are three involved). Of course all of them are different and unique. And that was me who said that. And it was/is true. We're not a V. Not really. Only in the IN love aspect is this true. We are still a triad. I love AB very much and still find him very attractive and desirable. I enjoy being with him just as much as I enjoy being with SG. The two of us just discovered we weren't IN love with each other. Basically everything is exactly the same as before. We're just not trying to MAKE ourselves be IN love. To me this is still a triad.

Casting off those labels has made us feel more comfortable and free to just enjoy the love that we all have for each other. Even if that love is a little different.

MonoVCPHG 04-26-2010 05:48 AM

Welcome back..not that we don't keep in touch ;)

Sunshinegrl 04-26-2010 06:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aussielover (Post 27666)
Hi,
Just thought I'd add some things here.
I think what SG is trying to say is that the labels of this poly world just don't seem to fit our relationship. We don't like them and before, we WERE trying to fit ourselves into this poly box that we simply don't fit in.

Our relationship (to me) is the same as it was before in regards to the dynamics. Things are just more open. We're more comfortable and we (please correct me if I'm wrong SG) are happier now that we've thrown away these self imposed words we thought we needed once we found this poly world.



I think what she was trying to say here YGirl, is that its not something any of us would have thought of if we hadn't met each other. We don't have the 'average' poly relationship where it's clearly a V or Triad (when there are three involved). Of course all of them are different and unique. And that was me who said that. And it was/is true. We're not a V. Not really. Only in the IN love aspect is this true. We are still a triad. I love AB very much and still find him very attractive and desirable. I enjoy being with him just as much as I enjoy being with SG. The two of us just discovered we weren't IN love with each other. Basically everything is exactly the same as before. We're just not trying to MAKE ourselves be IN love. To me this is still a triad.

Casting off those labels has made us feel more comfortable and free to just enjoy the love that we all have for each other. Even if that love is a little different.


Your always a lot more Eloquent then I, AL. :) Hope that Clears things up in that aspect.

Thanks Mono-man. Indeed we do.

aussielover 04-26-2010 07:27 AM

no problem my love. ;)


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