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-   -   Don't Know What I'm Looking For in My Small Corner of the World (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26312)

noisycthulhu 08-10-2012 05:50 AM

Don't Know What I'm Looking For in My Small Corner of the World
 
I'm 23
I'm Female
I am 'male minded'
(However I like having a vagina and boobs)
I love men
I love women
I'm curvy/chunky/etc
I don't know what I want

There are next to no options for someone like me who is interested in poly experiences here in Texas. I'm not sure what I want, but I do know that I love talking to people online, texting, pic messaging... but not just the same ol' "a/s/l send pic lookit mah dick"

That's so boring.

I want to be attracted to someone's brain, their personality, and then the sexy bits will be all the more exciting. I'm not for everyone, I am not the ideal of femme beauty, but there's got to be someone out there who shares this confusion and wants to connect, even just electronically.

So I'm an open book. I'm interested in nerd things, sexy things, funny things, and intelligent conversation. Discussions. Intellect. Being someone's friend first and foremost. Everything else can come naturally. No question is taboo and all will be answered. Ready.... GO.

opalescent 08-10-2012 09:04 PM

What does 'male minded' mean? I am sincerely curious.

noisycthulhu 08-11-2012 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by opalescent (Post 147497)
What does 'male minded' mean? I am sincerely curious.

lol I've been told every variation of this, and 'male minded' seem to encompass it all. I basically have more in common and similar thought patterns to males rather than females. Most people say I should have been a man and I've had the deepest friendships with men rather than women. It's not a negative thing - I enjoy my personality. But people get confused with my closeness to males and my sometimes brash attitude when it comes to humor, sex, and physical play. I wrestle :P I won't lie and say it isn't purely asexual, sometimes I just like being pinned down by a big guy.

Most people assume I'm a slightly more femme but still butch lesbian. I detest labels because it's rarely that simple. I love both genders, but I feel I would be the 'guy' in most relationships. I believe this is why my 'taste' in men are either very big manly lumberjack/Nordic God types or very lanky 'femme' type builds.

I don't make any sense.

Setxfamily 08-12-2012 06:32 PM

Hello and welcome from the Houston area. What area do you reside in?

JaneQSmythe 08-12-2012 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noisycthulhu (Post 147559)
Quote:

Originally Posted by opalescent View Post:
What does 'male minded' mean? I am sincerely curious.
lol I've been told every variation of this, and 'male minded' seem to encompass it all. I basically have more in common and similar thought patterns to males rather than females. Most people say I should have been a man and I've had the deepest friendships with men rather than women. It's not a negative thing - I enjoy my personality. But people get confused with my closeness to males and my sometimes brash attitude when it comes to humor, sex, and physical play. I wrestle :P I won't lie and say it isn't purely asexual, sometimes I just like being pinned down by a big guy.

Most people assume I'm a slightly more femme but still butch lesbian. I detest labels because it's rarely that simple. I love both genders, but I feel I would be the 'guy' in most relationships. I believe this is why my 'taste' in men are either very big manly lumberjack/Nordic God types or very lanky 'femme' type builds.

I don't make any sense.

Actually, a lot of this makes perfect sense to me! But of course - a lot of what you are saying describes me as well.:p

I tend to feel more comfortable "hanging out" with men as "one of the boys" in general. My sense of humor and sexual aggressiveness can come across very masculine. I tend to have "bigger balls" than many when it comes to challenging authority. I tend to excel at interactions that involve intellectual debate, rational or logical thought, or practical solutions. I find myself avoiding topics involving emotions/romance/etc. After sex I tend to fall immediately asleep or am so energized I want to pop up and DO something (I only recognized that recently because Dude always wants to cuddle/talk after sex).

For me some of this may have been learned behavior - in college/grad school being 5'2", barely 100#, and looking very young for my age - when you are in a male dominated field, being able to take charge and not take shit from ANYONE is a useful skill (to this day my male boss of 13 years admits to my colleagues that he is a little bit afraid of me...which is just how I like it:D).

In my relations with women I tend to be drawn to very femme (but strong, independent) women. I definitely find myself taking on the "male" role there - protector, problem-solver, initiator of sex, etc. With men - I am attracted to big physically strong (but caring, thoughtful) alpha males who are my intellectual match.

I'm curious if you (like me) are your mother's firstborn child. Some of the "birth order" research points to a biological trend with regard to some of the tendencies noted. The first born child (of either gender) tends to be exposed to more testosterone in utero. In males this "boost" may be overshadowed by the cultural premium society gives the "first born male" (whether they are the first child or not). (Fair warning - birth order research is highly controvertial as there are MANY confounding factors...it just amuses me that me and my two younger sisters fit the profiles so closely.) MrS teases me about being my "father's oldest son" - I spent my childhood hunting, fishing, and fixing things with dad (I sometimes wonder if my father would have been such an awesome dad to his daughters if he had actually HAD a son? hmmm).

PS. Welcome to the forums and love the username.

Storm77 08-12-2012 08:50 PM

Well I can relate but from the opposite side.

Am male but always been the "nice guy" polite, at times shy when it comes to women, enjoy pampering and pleasing so a bit more submissive with my partner T. Due to health issues as a child and being part Native I'm stuck with a soft voice where people almost always think I'm a woman on the phone :confused:

I'm more emotional, sensitive, moody, quickly assume a counselor type to try and solve everyone's problems while mine often seem unimportant.

When it comes to sex, I also feel like I must be thinking more like a woman. I need to feel an emotional connection rather than just sex to get off, tend to really enjoy the submissive side. Very into the touching, kissing, cuddling... just pampering my partner.

Honestly only bi-curious or hetroflexable but otherwise not attracted to men for more than just sex :o so don't consider myself gay and being married to very a female wife kind of throws a wrench into that whole label anyways.

Overall I do joke, I'm more the female in our relationship and she's more the male. :D I'm usually the one saying "hon we need to talk... I feel..." or just over emotional over small stupid things I worry about. While she's a just calm go with the flow type.

At the risk of being smacked... Oooh maybe a spanking later ;)
T can belch as loud as most guys and will give them a run for their money. When it comes to sex (LOL) I'm usually the one to wants to cuddle afterwards where she just wants to roll over and go to sleep. If she's still up afterwards she'll usually ask me to go make her a snack while she flips thru the channels on TV waiting, hehe.

Not sure how much of this makes sense or relates but that's pretty much me.

On the Poly side, it seems to suck big-time being a male. Contacting most women usually results like being told off that either Poly is disgusting! I'm just another male using it as an excuse to get in someones pants or the more polite response is "Your married!? Sorry not interested I have my own morals and values."

I hate the idea of being outright deceitful off the start but have been questioning how to change my profiles to not really say married but... still try to be honest. ie I live together, in an open relationship with my partner. :p

noisycthulhu 08-14-2012 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Setxfamily (Post 147848)
Hello and welcome from the Houston area. What area do you reside in?

Hello! I'm in the El Paso Borderland area :rolleyes: Never been farther into Texas but heard awesome things about Houston ^_^

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe (Post 147859)
Actually, a lot of this makes perfect sense to me! But of course - a lot of what you are saying describes me as well.:p

I tend to feel more comfortable "hanging out" with men as "one of the boys" in general. My sense of humor and sexual aggressiveness can come across very masculine. I tend to have "bigger balls" than many when it comes to challenging authority. I tend to excel at interactions that involve intellectual debate, rational or logical thought, or practical solutions. I find myself avoiding topics involving emotions/romance/etc. After sex I tend to fall immediately asleep or am so energized I want to pop up and DO something (I only recognized that recently because Dude always wants to cuddle/talk after sex).

For me some of this may have been learned behavior - in college/grad school being 5'2", barely 100#, and looking very young for my age - when you are in a male dominated field, being able to take charge and not take shit from ANYONE is a useful skill (to this day my male boss of 13 years admits to my colleagues that he is a little bit afraid of me...which is just how I like it:D).

In my relations with women I tend to be drawn to very femme (but strong, independent) women. I definitely find myself taking on the "male" role there - protector, problem-solver, initiator of sex, etc. With men - I am attracted to big physically strong (but caring, thoughtful) alpha males who are my intellectual match.

I'm curious if you (like me) are your mother's firstborn child. Some of the "birth order" research points to a biological trend with regard to some of the tendencies noted. The first born child (of either gender) tends to be exposed to more testosterone in utero. In males this "boost" may be overshadowed by the cultural premium society gives the "first born male" (whether they are the first child or not). (Fair warning - birth order research is highly controvertial as there are MANY confounding factors...it just amuses me that me and my two younger sisters fit the profiles so closely.) MrS teases me about being my "father's oldest son" - I spent my childhood hunting, fishing, and fixing things with dad (I sometimes wonder if my father would have been such an awesome dad to his daughters if he had actually HAD a son? hmmm).

PS. Welcome to the forums and love the username.

Thanks for the welcome! My username is a favorite ^_^

Actually yes, I am my mother's firstborn. I did have a younger brother but he was born too premature :( so I'm technically the only one. I have theories on my level of testosterone and the effect it's had on my personality, but there's too many theories out there to narrow it down. So I just deal :P

I am atypical 'male' in that I'm very quiet and shy at first with people, but it doesn't take much for me to be 'myself', I guess. I don't have much aggression or hell even 'ambition' as someone who has more testosterone is 'supposed' to have, so Idk. Been a 'tomboy' all my life and have only within the last few years tried being more 'femme'.

What's funny is that as far as relationships, I've a total submissive ;P I have my opinions and am hardheaded but other activities... well...


Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm77 (Post 147875)
Well I can relate but from the opposite side.

Am male but always been the "nice guy" polite, at times shy when it comes to women, enjoy pampering and pleasing so a bit more submissive with my partner T. Due to health issues as a child and being part Native I'm stuck with a soft voice where people almost always think I'm a woman on the phone :confused:

I'm more emotional, sensitive, moody, quickly assume a counselor type to try and solve everyone's problems while mine often seem unimportant.

When it comes to sex, I also feel like I must be thinking more like a woman. I need to feel an emotional connection rather than just sex to get off, tend to really enjoy the submissive side. Very into the touching, kissing, cuddling... just pampering my partner.

Honestly only bi-curious or hetroflexable but otherwise not attracted to men for more than just sex :o so don't consider myself gay and being married to very a female wife kind of throws a wrench into that whole label anyways.

Overall I do joke, I'm more the female in our relationship and she's more the male. :D I'm usually the one saying "hon we need to talk... I feel..." or just over emotional over small stupid things I worry about. While she's a just calm go with the flow type.

At the risk of being smacked... Oooh maybe a spanking later ;)
T can belch as loud as most guys and will give them a run for their money. When it comes to sex (LOL) I'm usually the one to wants to cuddle afterwards where she just wants to roll over and go to sleep. If she's still up afterwards she'll usually ask me to go make her a snack while she flips thru the channels on TV waiting, hehe.

Not sure how much of this makes sense or relates but that's pretty much me.

On the Poly side, it seems to suck big-time being a male. Contacting most women usually results like being told off that either Poly is disgusting! I'm just another male using it as an excuse to get in someones pants or the more polite response is "Your married!? Sorry not interested I have my own morals and values."

I hate the idea of being outright deceitful off the start but have been questioning how to change my profiles to not really say married but... still try to be honest. ie I live together, in an open relationship with my partner. :p

lol I feel ya... what's funny is that in sexy times I'm a total submissive, and I'm finding my mind needs to be more engaged than just my body... someone having a sexy mind + sexy body will be the devil, and I will be damned :D

People tend to think men get into poly situations just because 'oh they're men that's just what they do' but to be honest, a lot of people are at least curious about it. Everyone wants love and connection, right? There are many kinds of love and lots of ways to connect, why just limit yourself?

Oh, but wait... you have a dick, so you must just be a horndog XD I forgot that's how it works across the board...

JaneQSmythe 08-14-2012 11:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noisycthulhu (Post 148226)
I am atypical 'male' in that I'm very quiet and shy at first with people, but it doesn't take much for me to be 'myself', I guess. I don't have much aggression or hell even 'ambition' as someone who has more testosterone is 'supposed' to have, so Idk. Been a 'tomboy' all my life and have only within the last few years tried being more 'femme'.

What's funny is that as far as relationships, I've a total submissive ;P I have my opinions and am hardheaded but other activities... well...

Actually - in addition to all I wrote above I am a pretty strong introvert (INTJ actually) - the fact that I CAN take charge and kick ass doesn't mean that I WANT to. I just hate it when people fart around wasting my time when I would rather be home reading a book - so I fix that. My tom-boy nature I don't fight but occasionally I realize that my introvert nature is holding me back from some interesting experience - so once in a great while I will put on my "Mustang Sally" persona and play the sassy extrovert to the hilt (SHE wears make-up and jewelry and sexy outfits and wiggles her hips when she walks ... stuff I just about never do in real life).

I think that I would like to learn to be submissive sexually - but I have so many defensive walls up that it is hard for me to let go and allow for any vulnerability. (I actually don't know why this is...I don't have much in my past that could account for my extreme defensiveness...still trying to figure that out - Dude is working with me on this, but it is actually easier to let a girl take control than a guy - go figure:rolleyes:)

JaneQ

noisycthulhu 08-15-2012 06:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe (Post 148235)
Actually - in addition to all I wrote above I am a pretty strong introvert (INTJ actually) - the fact that I CAN take charge and kick ass doesn't mean that I WANT to. I just hate it when people fart around wasting my time when I would rather be home reading a book - so I fix that. My tom-boy nature I don't fight but occasionally I realize that my introvert nature is holding me back from some interesting experience - so once in a great while I will put on my "Mustang Sally" persona and play the sassy extrovert to the hilt (SHE wears make-up and jewelry and sexy outfits and wiggles her hips when she walks ... stuff I just about never do in real life).

I think that I would like to learn to be submissive sexually - but I have so many defensive walls up that it is hard for me to let go and allow for any vulnerability. (I actually don't know why this is...I don't have much in my past that could account for my extreme defensiveness...still trying to figure that out - Dude is working with me on this, but it is actually easier to let a girl take control than a guy - go figure:rolleyes:)

JaneQ

Mustang Sally persona? That sounds unbelievably sexy lol not just the make up and stuff, but personality. Yeah.

I understand about walls - I've actually never been totally open with any partner about my preferences before, it's kind of like... if I have to tell you, it defeats the purpose :P which I know is unfair, but that was my motto. I'm attempting to get into myself more and reveal this submissive kitten I think I can be, but we'll see.

Actually I got more confidence in certain things after being with a woman where men failed horribly at making me comfortable :rolleyes: sometimes it works funny...

scubadiver1 08-15-2012 02:52 PM

Hello

I am also interested to chat, discuss open relationships....i live in UK and looking to meet chat with new friends..who knows what things will develop

Regards

Charlie


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