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-   -   Triad Triangle (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26304)

talalupin 08-10-2012 02:02 AM

Triad Triangle
Ok first let me talk bout how everything started. I was married to my ex husband when I met this girl, we'll call her Lil, and we became friends because we both have children. She was engaged to her fiancee, lets say Jay, and still is. She say that my relationship with my husband was dead but that I just didn't want to admit because I didn't want to get a divorce at the age of 23. I was missing something that my ex husband couldn't give me so I asked him if I could start dating Lil. He said sure and later found out that I was giving more attention to Lil than him. Lil was the one who helped me get up the courage to tell him to get out because I had lost both of my children to his mother and there was nothing left in the marriage to piece back together. Lil saw me struggle over the next couple of week as far as not use to being alone and missing my children and just being depressed. She asked me to come over one night and have a talk with her and Jay. Now Jay and I started becoming friends after Lil and I became friends because we both have the same twisted sense of humor and we are around the same age with a 2 year difference where as Lil is 14 years older than me. All three of us were shooting the breeze and out of no where Jay says to me "I'd like to have sex with you". I blushed and looked at Lil hoping not to get killed. All she did was smile at me and said that she approves and it was her idea. So we started a triangle where Lil and I were dating and Jay and I were friends with benefits. Through the next couple weeks Jay started taking me on bicycle rides and out to lunch and just having fun with each others company. After 3 months I knew that I was in love with Jay and it made me feel alive yet sick because Jay had already said in the begin of the ordeal that it couldn't be more than just sex because he was committed to Lil. Lil kept asking me what was wrong and finally I told her and she wasn't mad but she made me tell Jay at which he got mad at the situation and started yelling at Lil. While they were fighting I snuck over to my place and locked the door and feel to the floor crying due to a broken heart and confusion. Ten minutes later I heard Lil try to open the door then knock asking to come in. Reluctantly I opened it and she told me to come back over to her place. I shook my head no and of course she dragged me back over. When I got over there, Jay was waiting at the door. He shut the door, pulled me in and kissed me. He told me that he talked to Lil and that too keep her happy that he will date me as a girlfriend because seeing me broken heart-ed hurts Lil because she loves me so much. Three months later I had to move in with them because I started to get really sick and couldn't work and lost my apartment only to find out the diagnosis as Multiple Sclerosis. After that both Lil and Jay kind of treated me as if I were made of glass or porcelain. As the saying goes you learn a lot from people when you live with them. Its not that I don't love Lil, I love her very much but there are time where we contradict each other because of how we were brought up and how to raise children which she has two girls. Yes the age factor right now is a factor only because she is going through pre menopause and her emotions are all wacky which mine are too due to the MS. But here is the scoop, she feels that i spend more time with Jay than she does considering the fact that she is suppose to be marrying him next year and that I am the girlfriend not wife. I do understand were she is coming from I also know that I connect with Jay more sometimes because Lil is the first girl i have ever been with. Its not that i dont like girls its more along the lines of I'm not use to dating girls. And every time there is a big blow out or argument about some spending too much time with someone else I offer to leave. Lil always says no because she loves me too much to see me get hurt or to see Jay get hurt from me leaving because she can see that he has fallen in love with me too. Jay doesn't want me to leave because he loves me and that he cares so much for me that he couldn't stand the idea of me living alone with how bad my MS can get. We even tried to arrange a schedule of who spends which night with Jay while giving him a night of freedom from the both of us. Unfortunately that feel through because Lil is in the prime of her sexual life while Jay sometimes doesn't feel like playing when it was a Lil night but did feel like playing when it was a C.C. (me) night people felt that there was an unbalance there as well. I have even backed off so Jay has time with Lil which unfortunately made everybody sad because I'm not use to having someone actually love me as much as they do. I am just looking for some input as to how other triads or threesome polys work things out because we don't want to brake anything off but at the same time I am getting to the point where sometimes the emotions are so chaotic that I feel I have to leave regardless of how broken heart-ed I would be a week after. And I have already told them that I would be done with dating in general if we do brake up just because I have been through enough drama to last me a life time.

snowmelt 08-10-2012 02:11 AM

Please add paragraph breaks to make your words easier to read. I did read your story. Do you have a specific question to ask?

talalupin 08-11-2012 09:31 AM

Sorry, when I ramble I sometimes forget to add paragraphs. I know that my girlfriend and boyfriend are trying to talk to me as far as find out what I need out of this relationship. I unfortunately, because of my MS, have problems figuring out what I need in general let along in a relationship. There is one question though that I do want to ask,

How do I get over the marriage aspect?

I have already been married once and it was just through a J.P. I love Lil very much but sometimes trying to help her prepare for the wedding hurts a little and cause nostalgic feeling of hoping to have a wedding someday. We technically live underground as far as the relationship because of Jay's family being Catholic and mine being old school so we can't have anything putting all three of us together like some triads do. Also it's the fact that I don't feel that I have a right to feel saddened at not being married to either of them because they were together first.

Sorry if it seems like I am rambling again, the Multiple Sclerosis sometimes makes my mind run 1,000 miles a minute but with pot holes in the road causing confusion to others who are trying to understand what I am saying.

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