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-   -   There's a word for it?... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2629)

caprica 04-24-2010 08:16 PM

There's a word for it?...
I am a male in my early forties, very happily married with two great kids. A very good female friend of ours & my wife have embarked on a relationship that is built on a solid friendship. I adore this person too & gave this journey my blessing. We all have a great time together when we hang out. This friend is very respectful of our marrage & has no intention of screwing things up. It has played out to be very open, honest, loving, & safe environmrnt for us. Funny thing is, this was initiated before I knew what poly was lol. It just feels right for us... I was doing a bit of research & wala! here I am.. ;)

cheers, ..hb Update

LovingRadiance 04-24-2010 11:40 PM

Congrats and welcome to the board!

caprica 04-25-2010 12:55 AM

Thanks, it feels kind of weird divulging such information but at least I am in the right place!:)

LovelyArianna 04-25-2010 07:02 AM

Sound like you are listening to your inner guidance just great.

Yes it is natural to love more than one person, and it feels great. If I didn't, I would be cheating on myself. :)



EugenePoet 04-25-2010 02:04 PM

Sounds like you can accept and share your wife's love without jealousy. I agree with you: when that is possible, open relationships can be very natural, ethical, and beautiful. It works that way for me too, though in my case I'm the secondary who adores a woman in a poly marriage.

You know the term "compersion" perhaps? It's a good sign if you are pleased when you know your wife is being happy with her new GF. I get a warm chuckle when I'm on the phone with my GF and she says her husband is running a scented bath for the two of them. It gives me pleasure to know she's so well loved. I hope you feel something like that sometimes?

You might expect some emotional turbulence, but it sounds like you and your wife -- and probably her secondary -- are stable enough to ride right through it.


addendum: Oh, on the compersion thing: I think it really helps your partner if you tell her that her happiness pleases you. It's important because if she feels guilt about what she's doing or has unspoken anxiety about how you feel then your sharing of your compersion will help her negative feelings evaporate. A very good thing to share.

caprica 04-25-2010 04:23 PM

thankyou everyone for the support. I feel lucky that I can go on this journey.. it defies traditional way's of thinking but who ever said that the traditional way is the only way?... well, without tapping into religion & politics lol... which ain't gonna happen!

'think I'll stick around here for a while...;)

LovingRadiance 04-25-2010 07:34 PM


Originally Posted by LovelyArianna (Post 27562)
Sound like you are listening to your inner guidance just great.

Yes it is natural to love more than one person, and it feels great. If I didn't, I would be cheating on myself. :)



That's an EXCELLENT quote!
Can I quote you on my blog?
I REALLY like that quote!!

LovelyArianna 04-26-2010 03:22 AM

Sure you can quote me. It came from my experience and how I think. I didn't quote it from anyone that I know of. If I did of anyone here I am sorry. Like minds then as they say.

I would be honored to have it in your blog. :)


LovingRadiance 04-29-2010 05:17 PM


I have been running this whole trip (well except for 1 hour that I got to meet some friends yesterday!) but when I get home I'll be getting caught up on my blog!!

caprica 05-17-2010 03:57 AM

UPDATE: Well it has been a few weeks now & it is going well. I should mention that this is not an open poly relationship. Other than a few close friends it has been kept private.

I am writting tonight because I have an issue... there are two relationships here... my wife & myself.. & My wife & our friend. We are not a triad ( I think it is called) but I would like it to be. I know the poly thing is openness, honesty etc... so I did talk to my wife about it a few times now. At first I would become quite frustrated because I had a difficult time expressing exactly what I wanted to say, mostly because it is my wife & I don't want to hurt her feelings. When I finally got the truth out she was quite understanding. However, she said that she wasn't sure if she was ready to see me be more intimate with out friend. I, of course understood her position too. You know, it's not even sex that I am after but the closeness & a more intimate experience with the three of us. I think about it allot. Our friend & I text now & again & there is a flirty element to it from time to time... my wife know's... as I said it is open. BUT, I, nor my wife or I have made my thoughts known to our friend...yet.

After our last conversation, my wife & I agreed that we'd let things roll along naturally & go where they may as long as everyone was fine with it. That works for me.... I really do hope that it grows in the direction that I want it to. I just can't decide if I should let it roll, or do I have that conversation with the friend when I feel the time is right??? hmmmm...


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