Secondary Jealousy ...
I have been married to my husband for 17 years now. We began this journey together as swingers and this is how I realized that I am poly. He is still very much a swinger. I am not. I have met and fallen very much in love with another man who could very easily be mono but has no issues sharing me with my husband. It has been a very rocky start because we are working out so many new facets but I believe one very worth the trials we are going through. My problem right now is that even tho I have pulled away from "swinging with men" because I am quite content and happy to be with the two I have I am interested in continuing to see women occasionally. More specifically with my husband. This frustrates my boyfriend because he feels excluded. While I could see eventually in the future sharing a woman with him, for now I am not quite ready for that. We are still in the honeymoon phase and frankly the thought of sharing him right now does NOT make me happy. As a disclaimer I am not entirely a huge fan of sharing my husband either so this isn't a new personality shift for me. (please save the hypocrite remarks... I am well aware of how this looks and is something I am truly striving to work on myself.)
My question is that my bf has asked that i not have 3somes with my husband at least until he is able to be included with his own (he feels it very unbalanced). This upsets my husband because he believes my bf is now dictating our sex life... ugh... help. They both raise a valid point. and I am truly caught in the middle.
Both men are missing the point -- They can air out all the wants they want to air out so you take them into consideration. But wants are not NEEDS and you have to air out YOUR OWN wants, needs, and limits. What might that be? Here's what I'm hearing or at least think I am hearing. And to me the solution is right there, but you aren't excited about having to DO IT.
BF SOFT LIMIT
YOUR SOFT LIMIT:
Uhmm.... seriously WOW! and Thankyou soooo much!! I can happily say that to a certain degree I did just about all you outlined soooo beautifully! And I can also say that it has been resolved to a much more satisfactory manner and I believe we are ALL happy with the solution and will revisit it later down the line. There is another happy outcome from all of this as well... it seems that my husband and my BF have been able to have some very deep meaningful discussions and their bond has improved through this.
Yay! Glad to hear laying it out logically and speaking up for your wants, needs, and limits in your trio thing there has moved it forward.
Glad to hear the metas (Dh and BF) are owning their own bags and developing their relationship too.
WTG! I love happier mediums being found.
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