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-   -   Hello, I'm new here (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26236)

faerietiff 08-06-2012 07:40 PM

Hello, I'm new here
I am a very happily married woman, married to an amazing man who is completely encouraging and accepting of my choice to live this lifestyle.

I am however facing a dilemma currently, I have recently slept with another woman (my husband knew, was encouraging, although not directly involved), and shared with her that I have more than just sexual feelings for her, she has essentially told me that she would be in a relationship with me if I weren't already married. My husband and I are in complete agreement that I could emotionally handle the Poly relationship, however my friend is fearful it seems of breaking social norms, she is a lesbian so being a full Poly would never be an option.

I am open to her dating other women as well in fact I have encouraged it recently, mostly because I want her to be happy, we have agreed that we could continue to have a sexual relationship. I am not sure if I should continue to broach the subject of us being a Poly or not due to the fact most of all I don't want to jeopardize my friendship with her, and my husband doesn't like to see me hurting because I can only have a glass of milk and not the whole cow.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

DarayTala 08-07-2012 04:36 AM

Well its a great start that you and your husband can be so honest and accepting of eachother and allow eachother the freedom to pursue other people.

I am curious though, why do you say that being fully poly for her wouldn't be an option because she is a lesbian? I don't quite understand that line of thought.

I understand your friend is afraid of breaking social norms, and that certain comes with the territory when you are involved in love or sex outside of your marriage. Have you talked with her about exactly what she fears might happen if you pursue a romantic relationship? A lot of people seem to be afraid of something different and out of the norm, but when you confront those fears and find the route, you can find ways to deal with it or conquer it. Is she afraid of people finding out, or of how it would impact her dating life with other people? If you know more about what exactly she is worried about, that might help getting around those fears.

I think you should talk to her more. Find out what she would want from a relationship with you if fear were not a factor. Find out what her fears are and if they can be overcome. Figure out if she actually has the desire to have a romantic relationship with you, and if fear is standing in the way, or if she just doesn't want that right now. Once you have some more answers it might be easier to work things out.

drtalon 08-07-2012 11:23 AM

It's not half-poly if she's only in a relationship with you, nor "full poly" if she's in a triad with you and your husband. The only criteria for being poly, is being open to the possibility of multiple romantic relationships with the informed consent of everyone involved. Good luck with things!

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