My name is Becca. I am completely new to this sort of thing. My boyfriend of nine years and I broke up about a month ago and we just decided to try to fix things by attempting a poly relationship. We have had multiple talks already, and I am talking to other guys. He was the one who suggested this relationship approach since I don't get everything I need from him.
But since this is the intro area, I should tell you about me. I am a writer. I hope to be published some day down the road. I am a mother of one. She is my world. She is 7 years old. I am a very spiritual person with a very open mind. I am a geek beyond measure. I love Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, Doctor Who, and many, many more shows. I am a little eccentric and desire intellectual conversation. No, more of a need than a desire. I have tendencies to swing from one mood to the other without warning...usually not like a mood swing. It's strange and difficult to explain. I love to swim and work out. If you want to know anything else, please just ask. I am an open book. Probably more so than I should be. :p
Welcome, Becca - tons to learn, obviously.
were you and your bf living together before the split? Any thoughts to to how that would change when you get into the polyamory stuff.
Can you talk more about which needs weren't being met in your monogamous relationship with him?
I'm going to echo Ciel here. Can you elaborate on the problems you faced with your boyfriend? "Relationship broken, add people" works in very rare cases only and only if yore working on the problems you have instead of hiding them by adding people.
As far as the mood changes, I understand what you're saying. I'm that way too. It's not a swing if there isn't a swing back and forth. I hear you on the conversation and the neediness and the shows and all of it. My profile on another site says, "I'm married, have children, live a polyamorous lifestyle, and a huge nerd. I find myself interacting with electronics more than people. Know what? Electronics don't judge me."
Welcome to polyamory!
My boyfriend and I split because of all the little things that weren't working for me, and he agreed at the time. He isn't romantic, and I crave that extra emotion. We also knew that living together, and his family, were both not going to work. We have talked about the emotional involvement with another person. He assures me that he will not get jealous. I love him so much, but I need more than what just he can give me. The physical intimacy is not a problem between us. We are still living apart, and have agreed that the bed he and I shared for so long is still just for the two of us. He was actually the one to suggest polyamory.
Thank you for all the welcome and offer of support already. :) It makes this all so much easier to have people to talk to about it.
The two people that are in my life right now are very very different from each other - I often say that I don't see why I would want two people that are the same. Each finds a different resonance with parts of my character that I love.
So if I understand this correctly, he isn't interested in having more than you, and you can imagine having more than one relationship.
Here are some things to think about for yourself, in case you haven't already:
* Should the person be male or female?
* Are you expecting them to only have you, or can they have other relationships? if the latter, can they be married?
* Can the person already have children?
* When you picture your desired living conditions, what do you see? Each person living alone, or two folks together and a third separate, or all together?
* What does your old/new boyfriend want/need out of this? Are there certain expectations that he has?
Share this here if you want to - but I think they are a good start to working out what you are looking for, if you aren't sure yet.
Just wanted to add my welcome to our forum. I'm sure you and your boyfriend will do well as long as you communicate with each other and do so with honesty and kindness.
Glad to have you aboard.
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