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-   -   What exactly is chemistry between two people? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26106)

lovedaystar 07-31-2012 12:00 AM

What exactly is chemistry between two people?
People often break up due to lack of chemistry between partners.
But the main question is "What exactly is chemistry between two people?"
Romantically, that is.

LovingRadiance 07-31-2012 02:06 AM

Looking forward to reading replies.

From what I gather-based on observation of the people who talk about it (around me) it's the chemical reaction in their body that says "I want to fuck" and so, they continuously lose it and move on.

Something I find very... annoying.

km34 07-31-2012 04:06 AM

Romantic Chemistry to me is actually the non-hormonal/chemical "clicking" that happens when I meet someone new. It's not hard to be physically attracted to someone and to have some awesome sex (AKA have "sexual chemistry"), but when I meet someone with whom I can sit and talk for hours and hours, when we enjoy the same variety of things (books, movies, pastimes, whatever), and when we have similar long-term goals/lifestyles... That, to me, is romantic chemistry.

NovemberRain 07-31-2012 05:24 AM


Originally Posted by lovedaystar (Post 145998)
People often break up due to lack of chemistry between partners.
But the main question is "What exactly is chemistry between two people?"
Romantically, that is.

I don't quite understand how people break up from 'lack of chemistry', because if it's that important, how'd they get together without it in the first place?

I have experienced a biochemical change in myself around certain people. Different folks get different changes. I was good friends with CBF for years, while I was coupled with FBF. One day after breaking up with FBF, I'd had lunch with CBF, who I only thought of as my good friend. I was saying g'bye after lunch, and he cocked his head at me, and I swear, I felt my ovaries light up. *That* was some chemistry.

I crushed on FBF for months before he gave any clue that he might have any interest in me, other than social friends.

But, chemistry does fade, and my personal belief is that it starts between my ears. There comes a day when a conversation is more interesting than sex; not to say that sex isn't still fun and desired, but you have to be able to do something when you're not having sex. Those things are what happens between the ears, and they can come from conscious volition. It's not some random happenstance that the universe bestows or not.

Phy 07-31-2012 05:41 AM

When I talk about chemistry, I talk about something quite stable. If we take the physical one at least. For example, the smell of a person. There are some, I really can't stand to smell. My sister is one of them. This never changed over the years. Sward on the other hand (Lin as well ;)) has never lost his seductive smell despite me being used to it for a dozen years now. For me this kind of chemistry has to be there to even allow romantic or physical contact. Sometimes, this may come in stronger or weaker forms with time, but it never ceased to exist.

In regard to pure romantic chemistry, that is something more artificial for me. Yes, it is important to klick with someone. The infamous spark. But afterwards, while cultivating the relationship, we start to cutlivate the romantic chemistry we have. Things we like to do with each other, we like to talk about, we like to eat; just being with each other and enjoying it. And we can lose this with time, if we don't cherish it and work a bit on it here and there. It's all about being me and being perceived as the 'best me' I can and should be.

lovedaystar 07-31-2012 02:16 PM

YAY! I'm glad to get many responds to this question. I'm still curious.
Hope to get more answers from varies of people.

nycindie 08-01-2012 12:37 PM

I see it as a spark, that excitement I feel when I'm with someone who just "gets" me. I don't have to work too hard for him to get me, we're on the same page almost effortlessly. When I'm around someone I have chemistry with, it's literally like a chemical reaction sometimes - there's an instantaneous smile on my face, there's heat, there's energy, quickened pulse, desire, eye-gazing that feels like we're seeing who we are without having to talk, and it all feels tingly, sweet, hot, exciting, comfy, and like it's all too much and yet I can't get enough, all at once, and like it's meant to be.

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