Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poly Relationships Corner (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   heartache... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=26001)

thenewgirl79 07-27-2012 04:02 PM

i hate getting to know someone for over a week thru emails and texts...only for them to just blow me off without so much as a reason, no goodbye, nothing. they just dropped off the face of the earth and will not reply to anything...

granted i havent really sent her much in the last 24 hours, i assumed i was just giving her space to sort out whatever is going on in her life, but she hasnt replied to anything in 36 hours via email or text...and she used to at least email me on break at work....

i really feel like i have been used in some gross pawn to fulfilled her perverted needs. Getting to know all about me my husband and our wants and desires, pretending to have everything in common with us, just to blow us off less than 24 hours before my husband and i had planned our "real life meetup date" with her.

what would you do? would you give up...because it seems no one i ever meet is real or they just blow me off like i don't mean shit to them before the real life meet up....

GalaGirl 07-27-2012 08:40 PM

Can't she have had a major unexpected prob in her life? For all you know her cat ate her slippers and she's got vet nightmare right now.

This is premature gloomy.

Chill in Hang Time at the Forge. Give it a week (short enough but long enough to at least get past whatever it is enough to SAY) then check in and go "Hey, where we at? This not a runner? Something happened? Clue me in."

Then see what is what.


thenewgirl79 07-27-2012 08:43 PM

wouldnt it more more respectful of her to let us know if she is okay and a heads up for breaking the date instead of going completely silent on us? It's not too much to ask for. She can have her emergency and be respectful to our feelings.

thenewgirl79 07-27-2012 08:49 PM

from my standpoint....the girl went completely silent after convincing me to send nudes of me with my husband. that is very disrespectful.

Skater21 07-27-2012 09:00 PM

Try not to take it so personally, perhaps she has just gotten busy and hasn't had a chance to get back to you, don't lose faith. If something more is meant to happen it will, naturally, if not there are other fish in the sea!

thenewgirl79 07-27-2012 09:02 PM

we are new to this still...but i learned real fast not to send nudes when asked :(

TequilaMockingbird 07-27-2012 09:13 PM

Maybe she got cold feet? I think a lot of people do this - plan to meet someone, then freak out when it dawns on them it's real and not just cyber chat stuff.

In any case, I'm sorry it made you feel bad.

thenewgirl79 07-27-2012 09:40 PM


Originally Posted by TequilaMockingbird (Post 145636)
Maybe she got cold feet? I think a lot of people do this - plan to meet someone, then freak out when it dawns on them it's real and not just cyber chat stuff.

In any case, I'm sorry it made you feel bad.

thank you! i am hoping thats all it was...i am insecure about my body as it is. if it werent for the pics she asked for my feelings wouldnt be so hurt

sparklepop 07-27-2012 09:50 PM

Had the girl seen full body pictures of you and your husband before? Not nude pics, but pics depicting body shape? Or had she only seen your face?

A week is not a long amount of time to get to know someone.

Secondly, people can and do get caught up in the rush of emailing or texting, because it doesn't feel real until you meet in person. There's a million reasons someone can drop off the face of the earth.

I had a girl last year messaging me all day, every day. It came to date night and she didn't turn up. I gave her a second chance, as she came up with a plausible excuse. She didn't turn up a second time. So I never text her again ;) She text every single day and what rang an alarm bell for me was that she'd occasionally start going down a sexual route... hinting that she would like a picture, or cybersex, or some such.

Even though I'd seen her pictures, she could have been a guy. She could have been a girl, with a boyfriend, who had no intention to meet. She could have just been a time waster.

Unfortunately, this does happen.

I've had the shoe on the other foot. I got a message from a woman who wanted a threesome with her husband. That's not something I've done before. I thought they looked nice enough and started to consider it. They were very pushy about setting a date and I ended up solidifying a date a couple of weeks in the future.

The more eager they got, the more nervous I got. I felt trapped. I didn't want to mess them around... but I was scared.

I went quiet for about three days while I thought things through and then messaged them to tell them I couldn't go through with it.

People do change their mind and people do tend to go quiet when they are having doubts.

The best thing you could do is ask her if everything's ok and tell her that if she's changed her mind, or is freaking out, it's absolutely ok to tell you. People don't know how to disappoint people.. so they tend to bury their head in the sand.

If you contact her kindly, and she is genuine, at least you can build something from there, if she wants to.

If she does turn out to be a time waster, or a fake, then perhaps take it as a learning experience and consider revealing yourself at a slower pace in future. I'm not saying it's your fault - I'm just saying that if you find that something doesn't work, it's always good to learn from it.

It is of course, entirely possible that she genuinely did get busy, too.

Mintcar 07-27-2012 10:00 PM

Perhaps the reality of it all didn't hit heruntil she saw the pics and she panicked. I have experienced this feeling before in my own life. The feeling of "oh wow, this is really happening". It could very well have nothing to do with your appearance. I think you may be projecting your insecurities on her. I do, however agree that she should have said something right after you did something that makes one always feel vunerable like sending nude pics. That was rude of her and in bad form.

All times are GMT. The time now is 03:10 PM.