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Courious 07-19-2012 07:51 PM

Hello All!
 
Hi, I am a 29 year old mom of two. I've been married for two years, with my DH (dear husband) for four years. I am interested in poly, and am planning to talk to my hubby about it soon. I'll call him Honey Pie. I am interested in a couple of people, one of whom is a male friends of ours, who I'll call Mi Amore (he's my best friend, so even if nothing ever happens, he is still literally, my love), and a woman (with red curls!) who I call Miss Red.

I think I'll be able to find the right words to convince my husband it'll be a wonderful thing for us, but he also can be very traditional at times. I think perhaps he won't want to share me. How can I answer that concern?

It's great to be here, it's been nice to read about people who have been along the path I am wanting to embark upon.

CielDuMatin 07-19-2012 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Courious (Post 144393)
I think I'll be able to find the right words to convince my husband it'll be a wonderful thing for us, but he also can be very traditional at times. I think perhaps he won't want to share me. How can I answer that concern?

I am going to be brief and rather blunt, since I have answered some of your other questions on other threads.

You and he made marriage vows to be monogamous with each other (either explicitly or implicitly). Him not wanting to share you (i.e. keep to the agreement that you made) is not really a "concern", unless it's something that you are worried about.

You want to change the status quo - he may be ok with that, in which case you can start down the road of polydom, or he may not be, in which case you have a choice to either not act on your desires, to lie, cheat and betray your marriage, or to end the marriage.

As you have said in your other threads - your only real way forward that is at all ethical is to talk with him.

Good luck, and welcome!

Courious 07-19-2012 11:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin (Post 144402)
I am going to be brief and rather blunt, since I have answered some of your other questions on other threads.

You and he made marriage vows to be monogamous with each other (either explicitly or implicitly). Him not wanting to share you (i.e. keep to the agreement that you made) is not really a "concern", unless it's something that you are worried about.

You want to change the status quo - he may be ok with that, in which case you can start down the road of polydom, or he may not be, in which case you have a choice to either not act on your desires, to lie, cheat and betray your marriage, or to end the marriage.

As you have said in your other threads - your only real way forward that is at all ethical is to talk with him.

Good luck, and welcome!

I should say ~ we talked about it once, a couple of years ago, and his words were that we'd have to have a lot of trust and history built up, which I feel we do in some ways. In other ways, we've been through a lot of bad experiences in the past couple of years, but we're closer for it, so that's good. So I don't think it's out of the question, I'm just nervous about talking to him, for obvious reasons being it could change our whole lives, for good or bad and that's intimidating.

kdt26417 07-20-2012 09:03 PM

Hi Courious,
Welcome to our forum.

I am sure things will be fine with you and your husband, you've been through a lot together, and he already knows polyamory is something you're interested in. Just be honest with him, and considerate of his feelings.

Maybe he's not ready to start polyamory yet, maybe he is and it will be a scary journey. But it is a part of your feelings and a part of moving forward in life, rather than living in a state of pretend, which could become stagnant.

I'm glad you could join us on Polyamory.com; I hope the various threads here will be of help to you.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.


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