My story of being in between
So where shall I begin. I guess at the beginning of what started all of this. Four years ago at the tender age of 18, I had just entered college. I had just gotten out of my first relationship which ended with my ex going to jail and me having no clue where he was for 4 months. Anyway, I was in college and was enjoying all of my freedom, especially sexually. I met a few guys whom I really clicked with and chose to date a few of them all at the same time without them being aware of each other. I wasn't sleeping with any of them, but had a steady friend with benefits who was ok with what I was doing. I was loving my life. I had my own little personal harem of sorts and was completely happy. Then I met my next boyfriend and that all ended.
Him and I became exclusive, although I cheated on him at one point with another guy. We broke up, got back together, rinsed and repeated that for about 5 months until we broke up for good. But we still loved each other. At one point before everything ended he said we should try dating other people while together. I was ok with the idea, but not under the circumstances of where our relationship stood. But he was adamant about wanting this and so he got his way and used it as a means to end what we had. I was devastated but continued to love him with all my heart for the next few years.
Then I met my current boyfriend whom I'll call BF. BF knew about my ex and that I still loved him. He suspected as much and I was honest about how I felt. I told him it was a deep unconditional love and he either had to accept it or I had to leave him. He accepted it and we didn't really talk about it anymore after that. Eventually my love for my ex cooled off for the most part. I still love him like a brother, but the romantic aspect is gone. BF caught on and was happy and we went awhile happily along in our relationship.
Things got so good between us that we decided to look for another guy for BF since he's bicurious. We took months to talk about it and worked out what exactly we wanted and what we didn't. Then I dove head first into searching while BF worked his insane work schedule to keep us living comfortably. After a few months of looking, I got a message back from someone on a dating site we posted an ad on for what we wanted. This is whom I will call OG, the other variable in this equation that I've thrown myself into. We met up for coffee and got along great. He was funny, intelligent, somewhat shy, and we surprisingly had alot in common. Plus he was older than BF and I, and kinda cute.
So everything was now great. We had met the ideal guy for us and now I could see my boyfriend get fucked by another cute guy. Fantasy fulfilled! But of course life got in the way and BF and OG's schedules have yet to mesh up. So no fantasy fulfillment as of yet despite BF and OG constantly flirting with each other which is a turn on in itself. So BF and OG continued to talk, and OG and I kept talking. Then something happened inside of me. I started to realise that I was getting little butterflies in my tummy when OG would text me. I had a crush.
Now I feel like I'm sitting in the garden of Monogamy and looking at the tree of Polyamory. It looks so good and I just wanna taste it, but I don't want to get thrown out of this paradisic state of BF and I's relationship. What's a girl to do? Well that's what I'm here to figure out.
Talked to BF last night and he's still pushing for what I can only describe as a closed polyfi V, with an open hinge. Aye! He's becoming increasingly annoyed that OG and I talk alot to each other, as he says OG doesn't seem to be as interested in talking to him. But they're both shy and I'm the only one who's outgoing, so maybe that's why. Plus whenever OG texts BF he either 1) takes forever to answer or 2) gives him a one word answer. We're hoping to all get together soon before I leave though. I hope we can because I can't wait to see them together. BF says in time he thinks he'll be ok with us having sex together while OG fucks him, which is a step in the right direction I guess.
With that said, OG and I texted each other all last night and my crush on him is getting stronger. I feel like the feeling may be mutual, but we will see. Which brings me to the next part of my dilemma. If all does work out, how exactly will things work with OG and I dating? We live in a small city where everyone knows everyone and is nosy beyond belief. For me and OG it wouldn't really matter since all of our family and friends are far away for the most part. But all of BF's family lives here and I know he'd still want to keep our poly relationship under wraps since he still won't even let people know that we're in a D/s relationship. Just more to think about I guess.
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