Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   New to the forum...not to poly. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25742)

Gary 07-18-2012 05:07 PM

New to the forum...not to poly.
Hello Everyone...wow this looks like a great forum. I am really looking forward to spending time here.

As I said in my title, I am brand new here but not new to poly. My wife and I (of 29 years) have been in a wonderfully satisfying poly relationship with another married couple (of 20 years) for the past 5 years. We were best friends with them for some time before that and our romantic relationships simply evolved into what we are today. None of us planned it, expected it, or even knew we could be open to it. We literally fell in love with our best friends.

We are not open in our families (though a couple of them have figured it out) or in our professional lives due to the consequences we would face. My wife and I have a fundamental Christian background and our families could never understand how our lives could be anything but "living in sin". We are all still Christians but obviously we have moved away from the fundamental teaching we grew up in. We do not all live together...but the dream of such in our future is certainly very appealing. We are very exclusive and have no interest in open relationships in any fashion. Since we are all straight our dynamic is one where each of us feels as if we have two spouses and a best friend.

I have come to believe that our situation is rare and as such we feel extremely blessed. How often will four people get along so perfectly that two marriages could be blended in such a mutually satisfying fashion? To watch my wife fall in love again has been a thrill for me and a gift I give to her out of love and she feels the same with me. We have always had a great marriage...but these last 5 years have been simply incredible. Ups and downs and hurdles of course...but what relationship does not have those? But we have come to know how much stronger 4 can be when love is present.

Anyway... (long winded I know...LOL)

As I said...really looking forward to getting to know some great poly folks. I hope to get the rest of the family on here but I am the one more accustomed to forums and such so we will have to see.


GalaGirl 07-18-2012 05:40 PM

Welcome! Glad to hear you and your quad are doing great!


Gary 07-18-2012 06:08 PM

Thanks GalaGirl. Really appreciate it.

Of course we are definitely still learning and have much to learn. Feels like I have found a great resource for it though.

marriedwithbenefits 07-18-2012 07:28 PM

Hi Gary, I am new on here too and have been lurking for a while but this is my first post. Your situation sounds much like mine, married 16 years in a long term committed relationship with another married couple for 7 years, who were good friends also. I havent found too many stories on this site similiar to mine so it was nice to see your post. I have found our quad to be extremely difficult at times but mostly its wonderful. I love my husband and am blessed to have another man to love as well as a best girlfriend whom I share my life with. I hope we can compare experiences! MWB

Gary 07-18-2012 07:50 PM

Thrilled to meet you marriedwithbenefits,

Yes the four of us have certainly faced our challenges in our 5 years...but the pluses have far outweighed them. Just like any other good marriage in that respect I suppose. I imagine we have MUCH in common. :)

marriedwithbenefits 07-19-2012 01:57 PM

I bet we do have lots in common- did you and your wife approach the other couple? or the other way around? I am curious how your relationship evolved! I have never had the opportunity to talk about things with anyone!

Gary 07-19-2012 06:19 PM

We were already best friends with the other couple and the more time we spent together the more our sexuality became natural to talk about. gradually the talk turned to humor, which turned to playfulness, which turned to increased openness and eventually downright flirty behavior between the 4 of us. It just seemed natural to become more intimate as time passed. I will never forget the night we actually had sex in our hot tub for the first time. Playful touches and fun were acted upon fully and we all just went along with it. My 2nd was the first one to actually make the final move by sitting on my lap facing me as if it was totally natural. None of us moved to stop things from progressing as we had already crossed many boundaries. I still marvel at the fact all 4 of us are so attracted to the "other" spouse. My wife and I, and of course then the 4 of us had a long talk about what had happened and we decided it was good since we all agreed together and there was no cheating or deception. That is not to say that we did not go through a period of doubt once or twice...but we have totally put our past feelings of any moral questions about our relationship behind us.

So how did you all come together?

marriedwithbenefits 07-19-2012 07:45 PM

my husband and i dabbled in the swinger world on a very limited basis and decided that wasnt really what we were looking for so one night after a little too much wine my husband asked his best friend if they would ever consider a sexual relationship with us, he told me he did this and i could have killed him. LOL. So, after several long conversations we decided to give it a try and I will never forget our first night either- we were up till 4 am and then had to get up early and bring the kids to the circus! its been 7 years and its mostly been great, we live across the street from each other (and did before this), we have kids the same ages- we vacation together and spend most of the weekends all together. its really quite remarkable when I think about it. I am always curious how others make it work, or how they have met the people they are with, I really never knew there was such a thing as ployamory until i did a search and found these boards. the more i read about it the more i do think it fits who I am.

kdt26417 07-20-2012 08:41 PM

Hi Gary,
Welcome to our forum.


"I have come to believe that our situation is rare and as such we feel extremely blessed. How often will four people get along so perfectly that two marriages could be blended in such a mutually satisfying fashion?"
Not often. I agree that you are truly blessed. (Same could be said for MWB also, :))

It's great to have you aboard. Thanks for sharing your (uplifting) story.

Kevin T.

1of4 08-21-2012 01:03 PM

I just wanted to say hello. Our quad relationship with our best friends in the world is much newer (14 months now), but I totally relate with feeling incredibly blessed. The relationship my husband and I (married 20+ years) have with our friends (married 15+ years) is very special and I suspect very rare. We are only "out" to a few friends, so don't really have any objective parties outside of the quad to talk to about it. If any of you ever want to talk, it would be great to have others to talk to who actually understand some of the issues that quads face.

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