Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   Hey everyone! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25690)

Mommyinthecloset 07-17-2012 12:38 PM

Hey everyone!
 
Hello everyone! I was sent here by a friend who was following my blog, my story in short mode: Im heather, married for 7 years now, and a while ago I came to the realization I was a lesbian, recently I accepted it myself and started a blog to help me deal with it as well as to share my story as it unfolds and get some support from my readers.. its been immensely helpful to say the least, and I recently came to the realization that monogamy was not for me.

I love my husband and do not want to leave him, but I am also drawn to have a relationship with a woman, I have my husbandís blessing on the condition that I donít use this as an excuse to shop around for a "brain replacement" (so I guess that would make him my primary according to forum lingo, go me im learning already!) anyways, my situation seems very ....unique.... but allot more normal around here... so im hoping I can make some friends and find a new place to fit in on these forums and maybe even get some support from time to time.

dkj4 07-17-2012 02:55 PM

I have been with my hubby for 10 yrs we have 4 kids together and our lives are set. A few yrs ago I thought the same that I was a lesbian but it wasnt true I am BI and i wanted both parties. would never leave hubby for a female. I begged him for what I thought we were doing was a 3 sum since he was welcome to join. after the first night we were all together i didnt want her to leave. him and I had a private conversation. and he agreed we can all try this as a couple no other out siders. he at first was doing this all for me but then a few months later also fell in love with her and unexpectedly had a baby with her.. that hit us hard but we all pulled together and raising all 5 kids. I have just found this site yesterday and there is such good advice to good luck to you.

kdt26417 07-19-2012 09:33 PM

Hi Mommyinthecloset,
Welcome to our forum.

Sounds like you are getting things figured out with your husband. I'm sure things will be okay. I don't know if I'm prying, but can I ask, does being a lesbian affect your relationship with your husband? I mean, are you comfortable with things in the sexual area, or have you and your husband kind of become platonic?

I'm glad you could join us, in any case.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Mommyinthecloset 07-21-2012 06:53 PM

Well its complicated to say the least.. I guess you could say were still trying to figure things out. it defiantly affects thing, and im hoping opening our relationship up and me seeing other people will help.. If/when I find someone im into... I think its going to take some time before its what I would call comfortable though..

lovefromgirl 07-22-2012 02:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mommyinthecloset (Post 144762)
Well its complicated to say the least.. I guess you could say were still trying to figure things out. it defiantly affects thing, and im hoping opening our relationship up and me seeing other people will help.. If/when I find someone im into... I think its going to take some time before its what I would call comfortable though..

"Relationship broken? Add more people!" is a joke, not an adage. :)

It sounds like you need to do individual work and work on your relationship with your husband before you open up. Very seldom does healthy polyamory result from such confusion; especially where more than two people are involved, everyone's got to know hirself, what zie wants/needs/likes, and where zie stands. If you are not at least an adequate self for your own purposes, how can you hope to be a good partner to anyone else?


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