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-   -   I've never done this before (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25605)

miossotty 07-15-2012 01:04 AM

I've never done this before
Hi all. I'm sure there is another thread like mine somewhere in here but I'd rather not go through 1000 pages to find it.

I've always thought of myself as a monogamist incapable of compromise until I fell in love with someone who eventually confessed that he was polyamorous (I'll refer to him as K.). He's new to the lifestyle after years of monogamous relationships so I can understand his trepidation in "coming out". I'm not sure he even really knew for awhile how to define what he was feeling. I fell in love with him anyway and I like to think of myself as open-minded which is why I'm here. It's kind of hard to deal with at times since I've never had anything like this before, but if I'm going to love him, I have to love him for everything he is. I'm not the type of person who can love only bits and pieces of someone and discard what I don't like. I can't see love working that way and especially with him because he is such an amazing individual.

I have morethantwo.com bookmarked and I've read through it but it would be nice to have people to talk to about it other than K. K and I have a refreshingly honest relationship but I don't have any friends or relatives who would understand his lifestyle or my decision to stay with him. I think third party perspective can be valuable because there might be someone out there who understands a situation in a way that I don't.

If there is anyone on here who was once like me and would like to share how they got over their feelings of jealousy or inadequacy, it would be very much appreciated. I'm also open to hearing from people who have been polyamorous for years and would like to offer any insight or support. Basically anyone who feels like they can help me understand this better is welcome to respond.

Thank you!

newtoday 07-15-2012 01:12 AM

Hi and welcome!

How long have you been dating K? Does he have any other partners at this point or are you the only one?

There are a lot of great threads and posts on here that can help you as well as a great network of supportive voices.

Morethantwo.com is great! But also check out under Search, tag search... There are many tags there for I security, jealousy, coming out, etc that you will do d useful.

Good luck and much strength on your journey!

Emm 07-15-2012 01:13 AM

You could search the board for "Mono/Poly" or use the tag search function to find threads by people in similar situations. That'll narrow it down by at least 500 pages :p. The good news though, is that the number of threads at least shows you're not alone.

miossotty 07-15-2012 02:18 AM

Thanks to both of you.

Emm, I will definitely look into those tags.

Newtoday, we've been romantically involved for seven months. I know it seems like a short amount of time to fall in love with someone but I'm not going to ignore my heart just because it hasn't been a socially acceptable amount of time. I've never been more sure of anything. I really wish I had remembered to mention that he and I are long distance. There is one other who is also long distance and he recently started with one locally so there are three of us right now. I haven't met or spoken to the other two. I feel like the distance is what freaks me out the most. Long distance takes so much work when it's just two people. It's an even trickier balancing act when there are more people in the mix. I don't want to feel forgotten just because I'm not around.

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