I'm Tequila Mockingbird, a straight married female - mono until now. My husband is a bi poly male. Our relationship has been monogamous until recently.
We started off on a very wrong foot - he was closeted as poly, cheated on me with two different girls. Both turned out to be cowgirls who desperately wanted to replace me. Breakups and damn near divorce followed. I know many people here don't like the idea of veto power, but it was necessary for us - there has been some stalking by one of the others, and a restraining order (harassing me at work).
So, ugly and beyond painful. I have been reading various threads for hours on end, and no doubt will be asking for some incredibly common advice to get over the hurt.
In the aftermath of the affairs, we have decided to have an open relationship - although I think poly is probably better than open for us, I wasn't clear on the distinction until recently. We have some fairly strict guidelines and boundaries, but I really hope those are temporary until we're on a firmer foundation. I think of them as training wheels. :)
Hubby does have a very casual GF right now, but not at all a committed relationship, and we are relocating for career opportunities in the very near future, so that will end and we'll be back to just the two of us.
I'm hoping that we can start in our new home with a better sense of what we both want and need, and really do things right this time! I find a lot of intellectual sense in poly, and there are some smart folks here that make emotional sense out of it for me. I'm already grateful for the advice I've gotten by reading.
So, please be patient as I ask every newbie question on the planet, and know that I am immensely appreciative of the wit and wisdom offered. :)
Welcome to the Forum.
Hi and welcome,
I really like your name :D.
Welcome to the forum!
I think that there is a significant number of poly folks that came into poly through a similar path, and the road to repair has had to be slow. I envy those who knew enough about themselves and who weren't concerned with what society thought enough to go down their path, and not have to try to hide how they felt from others (and themselves).
You do recognise that what you have in place right now are "training wheels" - that is hugely positive - the trust needs to be built up, and that is a slow process after it being betrayed in such a fundamental way.
A hard journey, but one it seems you are approaching well.
Hello Tequila M,
Welcome to our forum.
Sorry to hear you had such a rough start of it. It sounds like you and your husband are at a better mindspace now. It is very commendable that you have an open mind toward polyamory, even after the affairs and cowgirling. I hope you'll find our site helpful.
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