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-   -   interesting question about polyandry, primarily for females (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25458)

fireman29 07-09-2012 06:36 PM

interesting question about polyandry, primarily for females
 
I was wondering about polyandry and also sexuality in general, and wanted female perpective on this. for the sake of the discussion, take a relationship involving one women and two males. For the women out there, in your perfect ideal world, would you want the guys to also have a relationship with each other, or date you separately? I know there are many factors at play, such as the orientation of the guys etc, but taking all other considerations out of it, how would you prefer it? would your preference be different if it was just a one night hookup with two guys? I am guessing there will be a great varety of thoughts on this. It is an interesting question to me, because it seems that in the mainstream world, two women together, in a threesome context or otherwise, are "hot" and two guys interacting sexually in any way is gross. Not sure why this double standard exists, but i believe it is because if women are turned on by two men interacting sexually, either in a threesome or just performing for her enjoyment, it seems as though they are objectifying those men like pieces of meat. I believe most of society, including alot of women, is conditioned to be uncomfortable with that. thoughts?

Nudibranch 07-09-2012 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fireman29 (Post 142757)
In your perfect ideal world, would you want the guys to also have a relationship with each other, or date you separately? I know there are many factors at play, such as the orientation of the guys etc, but taking all other considerations out of it, how would you prefer it? would your preference be different if it was just a one night hookup with two guys?

Well, I'm bi and so is my husband/partner of 20+ years. So I have no problems nor fetishes around men being together...or not. It's about the people involved, not the configuration of genitals.

My husband and I are working out how to proceed with our third, who is a man who never considered an intimate or sexual relationship with a man, never mind a couple...but our polyrelationship has been growing simply and unfolding very naturally after a long acquaintance/friendship. It's a beautiful gift to receive from life.

For me, just having these two incredibly hot guys making me coffee in the morning--standing there in the kitchen, shirtless--makes me think I *must* have died and gone to heaven. To be squoze in between them as we watch a movie/pass the popcorn bowls, or nap, or whatever...it's amazing.

What is really interesting to me is that originally, I figured that if we ever added a third to our monogamous marriage (of over 10 years), it would be a guy for him. So I was amazed that our partner came in as my beloved first. Over time they are becoming closer physically, though it's not sexual at all. The interesting part? I find myself getting protective. Not quite jealous, but kind of keeping score. For instance, my husband will observe (neutrally and in trust/intimacy/updating) that he is feeling a bit left out...and I find myself quickly counter-observing that he has had way more time with the two of us, or our partner, than I've had alone with the latter. IOW, me saying to him, basically, "Back off a little."

If our partner ever developed a sexual attraction to my husband, I'm not sure how I'd react. At present the sexual thunderbolts and baby bunnies are all between our partner and me. But none of this is categorical. For me, it's a matter of what's best for everyone concerned. And now, I can't imagine life without our partner. There is a specific and particular balance for the three of us, out of our specific and particular personalities. And it doesn't hurt that we've all known each other for so long before this.

AnnabelMore 07-09-2012 07:09 PM

All other things being completely equal, I would much prefer the two men to be sexually and romantically involved with each other as well as me! The idea is both very hot and very sweet, and it would, as long as things were going smoothly, make it easier to determine things like who slept where (we could just all sleep together more often than not). That said, I would by no means expect or require them to be involved if it didn't come naturally to them.

Arrowbound 07-09-2012 10:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fireman29 (Post 142757)
I was wondering about polyandry and also sexuality in general, and wanted female perpective on this. for the sake of the discussion, take a relationship involving one women and two males. For the women out there, in your perfect ideal world, would you want the guys to also have a relationship with each other, or date you separately?

They wouldn't have to be best friends, but if a friendship developed I certainly wouldn't stand in the way. A romantic relationship is unlikely since my SO, though pansexual, is specifically attracted to women and transwomen.


Quote:

Originally Posted by fireman29 (Post 142757)
would your preference be different if it was just a one night hookup with two guys?

If that was the case, I wouldn't worry about them being civil or whatever. Completely different scenario.


Quote:

Originally Posted by fireman29 (Post 142757)
I am guessing there will be a great varety of thoughts on this. It is an interesting question to me, because it seems that in the mainstream world, two women together, in a threesome context or otherwise, are "hot" and two guys interacting sexually in any way is gross. Not sure why this double standard exists, but i believe it is because if women are turned on by two men interacting sexually, either in a threesome or just performing for her enjoyment, it seems as though they are objectifying those men like pieces of meat. I believe most of society, including alot of women, is conditioned to be uncomfortable with that. thoughts?

I think so too. Personally though, I'm generally more intrigued and enthused when I see men together sexually or romantically, rather than turned on. I find it beautiful, like art. (Probably weird but whatever LOL) I have only been interested in viewing a man-to-man experience with regards to my ex. Outside of him it's never crossed my mind with anyone else.

LovingRadiance 07-10-2012 01:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore (Post 142763)
All other things being completely equal, I would much prefer the two men to be sexually and romantically involved with each other as well as me! The idea is both very hot and very sweet, and it would, as long as things were going smoothly, make it easier to determine things like who slept where (we could just all sleep together more often than not). That said, I would by no means expect or require them to be involved if it didn't come naturally to them.

The above would be my thought. I think it would be hot.
However, as I'm in love with two straight men, I'm happy with them just getting along and the three of us cohabiting with the kids. ;)

Tonberry 07-10-2012 03:34 AM

As long as they get along and love each other, I don't really care if they also love each other romantically and/or have sex. I know the question is to pick one, but I don't think I can. It's kind of like asking me if I'd rather have a blond or brunette partner, I know some people care, but I really don't.
What I definitely wouldn't like is for one of them to be in love with the other, but it not being reciprocated.

So far, I've only ever been with straight guys, so the triad option hasn't actually been an option. I have to admit I would enjoy it happening just so I've experienced both, but you can't really force these things :P

StarTeddy 07-10-2012 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tonberry (Post 142798)
As long as they get along and love each other, I don't really care if they also love each other romantically and/or have sex. I know the question is to pick one, but I don't think I can. It's kind of like asking me if I'd rather have a blond or brunette partner, I know some people care, but I really don't.
What I definitely wouldn't like is for one of them to be in love with the other, but it not being reciprocated.

So far, I've only ever been with straight guys, so the triad option hasn't actually been an option. I have to admit I would enjoy it happening just so I've experienced both, but you can't really force these things :P

This is more or less exactly what I was going to say. I'd always want them to be at least friends. If they were best friends, then that would ideal for me. But for lovers...I wouldn't be able to say.

Mya 07-10-2012 07:16 AM

This is a tricky one because on the other hand two men together is totally hot and I would love to see them loving each other, being affectionate and having sex. But then on the other hand, triads are something I've never really dreamed about. So I would have to decide which is more important to me.. If I could decide, I would actually prefer a situation where my male partner had a male partner but I would only be involved with one of them. That way I would get to see some affection between them, and the love, but not have to be in a triad.

Anneintherain 07-10-2012 07:49 AM

I'd prefer in that situation for the two to be friends. It would be nice to be comfortable enough to be open to a threesome on a rare occasion if all parties thought it would be a positive (possibly moresomes I guess if I really liked one of their partners), but not involved romantically/sexually with each other - triads are just so difficult. I don't need to be stressed out with that dynamic, worrying if they are fighting, letting their relationship impact negatively on me, or having my relationship with either of them affected if they have problems or break up.

I wouldn't have an issue if they were bisexual, I just wouldn't want them to be involved _with_ each other while involved with me.

I watched my share of gay male porn in my time and it hasn't ever really done anything for me. Then again, watching any romantic partners even just making out makes me feel like I'm invading their privacy, so I get the feeling being involved in a triad would be an awkward thing for me in general, no matter what sex each partner was.

ThatGirlInGray 07-10-2012 05:48 PM

I am really, REALLY glad MC and TGIB are good friends in their own right. It makes so many things so much easier! And I certainly wouldn't mind if they wanted to give a sexual encounter or even romantic relationship a try, but I rather doubt that would happen given MC's straightness and mono-ness. However, if TGIB starts dating a guy at some point I would be very interested in being invited to join in once in a while (assuming I liked the other guy, found him attractive, etc)! I'd like to see TGIB be with a guy, see him enjoying something that I physically can't provide, and see the similarities and differences between him being with a guy (or at least THAT guy) versus being with me.


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