Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   Hi from SexyPixie (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25315)

SexyPixie 07-04-2012 01:17 AM

Hi from SexyPixie
 
Hello poly people,

A bit about me...

I've been married 20 years this July.

I am in a polyamorous marriage after being raised in a very religious organization (LDS / Mormon).

I have not had 'successful' relationships outside of my marriage.

I struggle with my husband's girlfriend relationship, specifically the romantic part of their relationship. I feel like I didn't sign up for this and that it's been put upon me and I struggle with keeping it going; I often feel like I don't want it in my life but I also want to give to him and allow him to be his real self.

I hope to chat with others who have had struggles with 'poly' and to learn more about other's journey's.

xx
SexyPixie

ImaginaryIllusion 07-04-2012 05:54 AM

Welcome to the Forum.

I'm curious about how you would define "successful"?

dingedheart 07-05-2012 12:26 AM

Hi and welcome...

How long have you been in this type of relationship.

How many outside relationships have you had? Was there any common reason they ended?

SexyPixie 07-05-2012 05:27 AM

I had a boyfriend who was the husband of my husband's current girlfriend. It lasted about 3 months. I had a girlfriend for about a month. There are no similarities as to why these relationships ended no. The girlfriend couldn't handle that I was poly or married she wanted to be my one and only and she was really lesbian not bisexual.

SexyPixie 07-05-2012 05:31 AM

Successful I think I was trying to make the point when I wrote that word. That I have been alone for the better part of my open marriage. The relationships were successful in the sense that I had fun and am grateful that I had them.

dingedheart 07-05-2012 02:09 PM

How did you come to opening up your marriage ?

How long has it been open ?

Why did it end with the BF?

kdt26417 07-05-2012 10:05 PM

Hi SexyPixie,
I just wanted to say welcome to the forum.

I was also raised Mormon/LDS, in fact I stayed with the church until way into adulthood. (So, small world. :))

It sounds like you got into polyamory with high hopes, and have been disappointed in some of your expectations. Sounds like you're maybe struggling with a little jealousy also?

What (if anything) would make it easier to handle your husband's relationship with his girlfriend? Can you tell what's at the root of the jealous feelings? Is it perhaps due to the fact that you had relatively bad luck with the poly relationships you tried? What other things might be fueling these issues you're having right now?

I hope Polyamory.com can be of some help to you.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

Skater21 07-05-2012 10:37 PM

Hi
 
Hi SexyPixie,

I just wanted to say that you are not alone. I think that we have some things in common. Mostly, that I too am not sure if polyamory is right for me. My wife has recently become involved with a polyamorous man and, at times, I feel like my only choice is to go along with it. I guess I have the option of leaving, but I don't want that and neither does my wife, so I'm back to trying to accept it. Communication helps, as does the support of others. I have not posted here a lot, in fact I've written a very long post, but have not put it out here, as of yet, but reading the posts of others and the support given by the board regulars and moderators has really helped me (thank you Kevin).
Sometimes it is a big help to just write down what you're feeling and do your best to disect it, sharing it with your spouse could be very helpful too, it helps them understand what you're going through and can help shed some light on how you're feeling. Always be honest with yourself as your going through this process, try to get to the heart of what you're feeling and why.
I too grew up in Mormon culture, my family was never very active, but I know the culture and the pressure that can come from family and friends to be "normal" and adhere to the word of wisdom. I would encourage you to do what's right for you and not let the religious believes of others, even loved ones, cloud your judgement as to what's right for you, only you can decide that.
Anyway, hang in there, I hope your story has a happy ending.

Skater21

kdt26417 07-05-2012 10:54 PM

Re:
Quote:

"Reading the posts of others and the support given by the board regulars and moderators has really helped me (thank you Kevin)."
You're welcome, glad I could help. :)

nouryia 07-10-2012 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SexyPixie (Post 142062)
I have not had 'successful' relationships outside of my marriage.

I struggle with my husband's girlfriend relationship, specifically the romantic part of their relationship. I feel like I didn't sign up for this and that it's been put upon me and I struggle with keeping it going; I often feel like I don't want it in my life but I also want to give to him and allow him to be his real self.

My husband has been going through a somewhat similar situation. He has had a handful of short-lived friend w/benefit type of relationships but nothing that has the same romantic involvement as what I share with my boyfriend and it has caused him some hurt feelings, jealousy, envy and stressed our relationship at times. Neither of us were specifically looking for romantic relationships but it's a chance we took when we opened up our marriage. I didn't mean to fall in love with my b/f, it just happened.

Because I love my husband dearly and can appreciate how he feels, I have been patient and have done all I can to help make him more comfortable (limiting the frequency of my visits with my b/f, offering a lot of reassurance and affection at home, talking through his jealousy and giving him my assurances I wasn't leaving him, etc...).

But it's taking a long time...he still has some struggles after over a year, almost a year and a half really.. At some point, I have to say I've done all I can and HE has to work the rest of the way and find a better way to deal with his feelings, because in poly, it doesn't always work out that everyone has secondaries at the same time. Would be ideal, but it's not reality.

Later down the road things could be reversed and then I'll have to 'deal'...I can only hope he'll be as patient with me.


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