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-   -   New to this from Georgia (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25250)

snowwhite 07-02-2012 09:10 PM

New to this from Georgia
Hi everyone. I am sort of new to this. Well, actually, I kind of just stop beating myself up for how I think I really am. I have had issues with being faithful to people in the past. Sometimes, there were underlying issues, not enough attention at home, incompatibility, was in love with someone else, etc.... I was brought up to think that a relationship was supposed to be between a man and a woman.....then it evolved into ok, gay and lesbian relationships are fine too, I am not a tool for Christians anymore, got more into Wicca when I was a teen. I still held on for the longest that I in particular was only supposed to be in love with one person at a time. I am nearly 28 years old, and I no longer think this is true for me. This is kind of a rant, sorry, but I am a little strapped for time.

About a year ago, I met a sweet, interesting, funny, so awesome and in tune with my mind and energy guy you could imagine. Bad thing is.......I was already in a relationship, I have two children. :/

My partner and I are pretty open minded people, I told him how I felt about my friend, he was pretty upset, it almost cost us our relationship, but we didn't really want the relationship to end because we still love each other. So here were are working through it. I still want to have a relationship with my friend as well. We have other friends who do the poly thing. We have never done it before. I have been in love with my other friend for more than a year now, he feels the same about me. We have all talked about the poly thing. Me/my partner Me/my friend. Not all of us together. I think they are afraid of their reactions to each other or something. My partner has expressed that he wants to talk to him about it and that he thinks it selfish of him to think that I should only love him in this life. He says he just can't deal with a physical relationship right now. We have been together for nearly 5 years, own our home, cars....etc....we do everything together in other words, but we are not married. Sigh.........right now I am just respecting everyone's wishes, waiting......wanting. :( My partner allows me to spend some time with my friend which I am grateful for. I get to go out the movies or have lunch or dinner with him sometimes. I know in a successful poly relationship as I have been reading up on.......communication and openness and love are the keys. Maybe one day it'll be ok for me. I am glad I have stopped beating myself up for having these feelings though. :)

CielDuMatin 07-02-2012 09:15 PM

Welcome to the forum. As you probably have already seen, your story isn't that uncommon when folks are coming to the realization of how they love.

I definitely would encourage a meeting of the three of you - even if it's just for coffee. It may be scary, but it turns everyone into real people, rather than abstract concepts.

snowwhite 07-02-2012 09:17 PM

Yes, I really wish my friend would agree to having a conversation about it with everyone. They know each other, we've all hung out before, just not since I came out that I had such feelings for him this past March. Time will tell I suppose. Thanks. :)

kdt26417 07-05-2012 04:48 AM

Hi snowwhite,
Just wanted to add my welcome to the forum.

That's a tough situation, when you are wanting something more with your friend but your partner just isn't ready for that yet. It sounds hopeful that he might be okay with more eventually. Small steps, a little at a time.

Hopefully the three of you can meet together sometime soon. It sounds like there's a lot of stress and tension in the air at the moment.

I hope your time spent on Polyamory.com will help you feel better about your situation. Keep up the communication with both of your guys as much as you can.

I wish for you the very best.
Kevin T.

his1911 07-05-2012 02:07 PM

Hi from another GA poly! Hope things can be talked thru and worked out to an equitable arrangement for all of y'all!

snowwhite 07-05-2012 05:58 PM

Thank you so much for the support :) The tension has lessened....it comes and goes it seems still. Sigh.....baby steps. I feel kind of bad that my partner didn't really know my history. He never asked, so I just didn't say anything about it. I told him what he asked for about my past relationships. Open and honest about sexual stuff though. As far as fidelity and how it has seemed to always be an issue for me, I never really mentioned it because my mind was still under the guise that monogamy was how I was supposed to be. Glad I have found such awesome support here. :) Things are moving forward though.

kdt26417 07-05-2012 08:42 PM

Good to hear. It's where you go from here that counts. ;)

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