I am an insecure man
Hi, my name is S and I am insecure.
It's not a surprising self-diagnosis, really. I've always lacked self-confidence personally and professionally. I took an IQ test as part of an ADHD test and scored really high (127-133) but that is just a number to me. I'm gainfully employed in a great company... and I'm physically active, getting into REALLY good shape (I'm a stones throw from being 'buff') I'm attractive... seems like I should really have no insecurity, right?
Don't ask me, man. I just live here.
I love to cuddle a lot, hold hands, hug, kiss a hundred times a day and I have an extremely strong sex drive. To other men (including the new one she's seeing) she's always had difficulty 'getting off' but I get her there every single time we set out to do that. (including our very first night) (and ... at our height, we're talking 6+ times a week)
So WTF, I sound like the ideal mate, right? I'm caring, good job, love our kids (all from priors). I cook, I clean, I'm not derogatory, nor abusive...
So why the flying hell am I so insecure?????
Have any of you ever discovered this in yourself and defeated it? I'd love to know how. I just booked a session with a counsellor. I really need to exorcise this demon once and for all.
I think that making an appointment to see a professional that can help you work through this is absolutely the best thing that you can do.
The logic of things like this are rarely obvious, and sometimes it takes a lot of digging and talking around things to hone in on the root of your issues. I don't think that anybody can really give you concrete advice on an internet forum, where they don't know your background, and can get into a conversation with you to explore this.
Poly can quite often bring insecurities to the fore, especially around the "why aren't I (good) enough for him/her". So this may well be a big opportunity for some personal growth for you.
Good for you! That's a brave thing to do -- book with a counselor. I hope they can help.
I cannot answer you. But I notice you don't list all your buckets.
(Ok, smart but not vain about it, happy where you work and it challenges your mind. So I get sense you get your intellectual need fed ok)
(I sense you have the most confidence in your body's appearance and skills -- kinesthetic intelligence is something I don't have so wtg! I envy that.)
Ok, insecure and not horrible. But still no sense of what you ARE in this bucket. Kinda blank?
I do not know if this helps, but I believe people are heart, mind, body and soul. I broke out your things and I perceive you to feel confident and comfortable talking about mind bucket things or body bucket things.
I do not perceive you as feeling as confident and comfortable talking about heart things.
And I get no sense of what you do to tend your soul bucket at all. Weird.
So... maybe think that over and fill the counselor in on your buckets? How they are doing? What feeds them? What drains them? What bucket you need the most help with?
Stuff like that?
I am super outgoing IF I am comfortable around a group of people. However, when I am around new people or people that I have very little in common with, I too get really insecure and almost introverted. I spent years trying to build friendships with people that really didn't get me, it was a lesson in absolute futility. I found I just got more insecure and withdrawn over the years.
I did finally find a group of people who, too my surprise share a great deal of my interests (and not one of them watches "reality tv" :p). I am much more outgoing overall, even with new people now. I'm not the smartest of the group, I'm still very overweight, but I now have friends who want me to be around. I'm convinced this make all the difference in the world. Don't keep banging your head against a wall, by continuing to look for friends in the same old places, if need be start looking in new places and keep looking until you find them. You'd be amassed what that can do to your self confidence.
As far as dating and finding your match - sorry, got nothing.
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