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-   -   Need Some Advice (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25119)

FallenAngel 06-27-2012 06:57 PM

Need Some Advice
 
I need alittle advice. Me and my fiancee have been together for four years. For the past year I have been in a fight with another man trying to keep him from getting her to leave me. This last month I have had to work a lot and we have not had one day together. So she has been talking to him a lot and for the fear of losing her I said that we should try a poly relationship.

Now I have no problem with this except for how unfair it will be towards me. This means the nights she's with him I will be at home taking care of are 5 year old son. Now that takes even more time away for me and her to go out and have fun. I'm just scared that I'm going to be pushed even further away because of this. I need some advice and I know that nobody around me will be able to help me solve my problem.

PinkDragon 06-27-2012 07:02 PM

The first thing that stands out to me is that if your relationship is so unstable that you fear she might leave you for someone else, then the last thing you need to do is try a poly relationship. Poly will not fix anything.

My advice would be to work on communication and building trust in your relationship first and foremost.

And... no one can "steal" a person... it's a choice that person makes whether they will walk or not.

What is it that you think he's offering her that you aren't?

WhatHappened 06-27-2012 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallenAngel (Post 141190)
For the past year I have been in a fight with another man trying to keep him from getting her to leave me.

What exactly has she been doing about the situation?

See, my xh NEVER had to worry about another man trying to get me to leave him, because I was married, end of story. If after a year he still thinks he's going to get her to leave you, she apparently hasn't been clear to him that she's engaged and not leaving you. Has she been going out with him all this time, or what exactly is the situation?

Tonberry 06-27-2012 07:22 PM

I think it's a bad idea. Your relationship is going to be in more jeopardy than ever... opening up is stressful and takes time and energy to adapt, it's best to be in the best of shapes beforehand. It's a bit like having a kid... you don't want to do it to strengthen a couple that is about to break up, you want to be good together already.

If there is no turning back, then I would suggest you find a hobby you can share with friends while she's with her boyfriend, or something along these lines, so you feel less alone, and more like she's doing something on her own while you're also doing something on your own.


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