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-   -   Open relationships forums (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=25001)

feelyunicorn 06-23-2012 04:22 PM

Open relationships forums
 
I`ve searched the internet for open relationships forums and resources and I seem to have found out that both are rather scant compared to poly forums and resources.

Have you had the same experience? I wonder if precisely the reasons I identify more with open relationships than poly are to blame for the lack of resources. Does the fact that polyamory seem more family-friendly (same with swingers) make it a more cohesive and powerful interest group?

I feel like a lot of people who identify as open might end up here by default, hence my question. I`ve done a search in this forum for this topic and haven`t found anything. I hope I am not breaching forum rules.

Derbylicious 06-23-2012 05:19 PM

http://open-relationships.meetup.com/

Maybe one of these would work for you.

feelyunicorn 06-23-2012 05:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derbylicious (Post 140703)
http://open-relationships.meetup.com/

Maybe one of these would work for you.

Thank you. :) Unfortunately, I don`t live in any of the meet up locations, so I am heavily dependent upon online groups for now. Or, at least, until I`m able to form a cohesive group where I live (we already have a small poly group).

RfromRMC 06-23-2012 07:16 PM

Just about any poly group I've ever been familiar with would also cover open-relationships. (Unless, maybe, if you're talking about organized swinging, then yeah I guess that would be different.)
I think huge chunk of the folks in my local poly group make up of couples with an open relationship.

NovemberRain 06-23-2012 09:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feelyunicorn (Post 140699)
I`ve searched the internet for open relationships forums and resources and I seem to have found out that both are rather scant compared to poly forums and resources.

I don't get what distinction you're making, between 'open' and 'poly'. I get there is one (or more); but how do you see the difference? Is open relationship meaning you're in something committed and you play on the side with no emotional entanglement? Is that different from swinging in that you don't have to both be there?

This is pure ignorance asking.

km34 06-23-2012 11:44 PM

I'm on a swingers' forum, and there are quite a few people who identify as "in an open relationship" vs. "swingers" there. They are the purely sexual kind of open, so they wouldn't fit in here, really, but they are very well accepted in the swinging community (not that they wouldn't be accepted here, they just probably wouldn't relate as well).

Around here, it seems like most of the people who attend the open relationships events are the same ones that attend the poly ones and some of the same ones that attend swingers ones. There aren't many people (in my experience) who identify as open that can't fit into either a swingers group or a poly group and find people who understand and agree with their viewpoints.

Is there a particular brand of "open" that you're looking for and not finding represented?

feelyunicorn 06-24-2012 05:38 AM

Thank you both NovemberRain and km34 for asking. I guess I should have spent a few words on how I define myself. I can only speak for my own definition of open, or open relationships (the plural part is important to me).

---------

The differences to me between open vs. poly or swingers (or, even, "open relationship" singular) are:

a) open relationships seem to place less emphasis on family, live-in arrangements, and marriage than either poly or swingers;

b) open relationships seem to lay further along the sex-positivity scale than poly; no taboo around NSA and DADT;

c) open relationships seem to still allow for multiple emotional bonds (hence open relationships, instead of open relationship no "s") to coexist, as opposed to swinging.

----------

So, to me open relationships are the best of both worlds. And, I do feel a little bit like a fish out of water around people walking around with wedding bands. Not really a turn on in bed! :eek:

km34 06-24-2012 12:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by feelyunicorn (Post 140751)
So, to me open relationships are the best of both worlds. And, I do feel a little bit like a fish out of water around people walking around with wedding bands. Not really a turn on in bed! :eek:

That's funny.. I once dated a guy who always wanted me to wear my wedding ring when we had sex... His roommate and friends didn't know I was married (rather religious group would have judged both me and him) so I didn't normally wear it around him (well, I didn't wear it often anyway, but I made a point to not wear it then) but he would often request it when we went to the bedroom. He said it made it feel like sneaking around or whatever even though it wasn't. It kind of amused me.

I also know a lot of people who don't wear wedding bands - both swingers, poly, and otherwise. I don't like wearing jewelry so I only wear mine when the diamonds will accent my outfit.

I think it would probably be hard to get a group of people who are in your kind of open relationships to form a group. Since there isn't an emphasis on a primary or live-in relationship, it would seem to be a singles group. I don't think I've ever met anyone IRL who doesn't have the desire to live with at least one partner at some point.

CielDuMatin 06-24-2012 04:43 PM

The terminology that I use is the following:

Monogamy

Non-Monogamy
- Cheating
- Responsible non-monogamy (which I think most people refer to as "Open relationship"
-- Swinging
-- Polyamory

We have had discussions about the difference between Swinging and poly so I won't go into that there.

The problem is that there are forms of poly which aren't "Open" - they even refer to themselves as "closed". The term "open" is highly overloaded - it means different things to different people, so I really try to avoid using it, because it can often cause more confusion.

There are poly forums and swinger forums - I wonder what is out there that doesn't cover the stuff that those types of forums cover.

nycindie 06-24-2012 06:29 PM

I think solo poly people (who do not wish to be partnered) are very similar to what you describe as open, regarding what we want (except for, maybe, being okay with DADT). Being solo and having no wish to cohabit with anyone nor have a partner, I have wished many times that there was a place just for others like me, or a resource online for solos, and I might eventually create one myself (if I ever feel that motivated).

But yeah, the couple-centric focus on married poly people and threads about kids and families does get tiresome after a while (in any of the poly forums I visit, not just this one) when you're solo and childfree. I just avoid them for a while, answer the ones that I relate to better, and then revisit those dyad-focused ones when I have gotten over my feeling of over-saturation. I do learn a lot from every walk of life, so even those married people and parents have something to offer me. ;)

I do have to say, I was very, very turned on when I was in bed with a guy I was seeing last year, Burnsy, and saw the wedding ring on his finger as he played with my breasts. It felt so forbidden!


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