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-   -   Trying to plan a Poly Commitment Ceremony (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24920)

jen8239 06-21-2012 12:46 AM

Trying to plan a Poly Commitment Ceremony
My partners and I are planning on having a wedding/commitment ceremony in September and are having trouble searching for a wedding officiant. Has anyone had a commitment ceremony and if so how did you find a person to preform the ceremony? This is the most important first step for us in planning our special day. Any help would be greatly appreciated! :D

NovemberRain 06-21-2012 05:09 AM

When I used to entertain fantasies of being married, I thought about this a lot. I went on a date to a wedding once, and we met the minister after, at the reception. She had only met the couple the night before, and was showing us a book she had of different ceremonies (it was a beautiful leather notebook). It made me feel very sad. I realized that I would never want to be married by someone who didn't know me, and likely they would have to know me pretty well.

Since your commitment isn't going to be legally recognized, and not likely recognized by any religious institution, you could have anyone do it. Do the three of you have some dear friend? If you were considering having someone be a best man or maid of honor, perhaps it would be better to have them officiate. It's easy enough to be ordained by the Universal Life Church (I am. I am also ordained by the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (parmesan be upon him) which I absolutely love, and I think would be perfect for a poly commitment). If ordination is the sort of thing that's important to you.

You could search for wedding ceremonies on-line, and you could even conduct your own. You could have each one, in turn, read whatever, and make your promises to each other. When my mom and step-dad got married, they had the congregation affirm their support for the union, in a sort of call and response. I absolutely adored that, and should I ever, I want to incorporate that.

km34 06-21-2012 11:10 AM

I would think any officiant who does commitment ceremonies (if same-sex marriage isn't legal where you live) would probably be open to this. A lot of UU churches are poly-friendly so if there is a UU congregation near you, that may be an avenue to look into.

For our wedding we did a semi-traditional Christian ceremony, but also had a handfasting in the middle of it. The pastor wasn't familiar with that (shocking, right?) so we had the best man (his cousin) do the actual tying while the maid of honor (my sister) read the meaning of everything that was going on.

So, it depends on whether you want it to be someone ordained or not. Since it isn't going to be legally recognized that isn't really required and you can pick someone who knows you very well to personalize it. There is all kinds of info online about various ceremony styles so that you and/or the chosen officiant can choose aspects that fit you.

RfromRMC 06-21-2012 04:23 PM


Originally Posted by NovemberRain (Post 140427)
Since your commitment isn't going to be legally recognized, and not likely recognized by any religious institution, you could have anyone do it. Do the three of you have some dear friend?

Agree. Anyone you know who's a good public speaker and/or very eloquent? That'd be the only criteria, I'd imagine.

Precious1 06-23-2012 06:18 AM

I agree, anyone you care about, who speaks well to officiate.
There are many ceremony resources online

My Sunshine and I used to be altar boys (ok, I was the first girl so they changed it to "mass servers"), so I hope to persuade our former priest to officiate.. he left the priesthood to get married himself, so he may be up to it... (I hope, I won't ask until after my divorce & annulment are in, though Sunshine will still also be happily married)

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