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-   -   A Whole New World (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24910)

BlueDragonfly 06-20-2012 04:24 PM

A Whole New World
 
Hello Everyone,

I've been lurking for about a week now and have gained an abundance of knowledge from this site (along with some other sites).

I'm just gonna start and try to make it as short as possible :)

From the beginning I always knew I thought differently from society. I never understood why people chose to only be with one person for life when we are hard wired for love, emotionally and physically. I always thought people went against their animalistic instincts and just did what 'they were supposed to do'.
I knew I was fully capable of loving more than one person and didn't understand why it wasn't ok to do so. In fact, I have loved more than one person before for many years and always held that fact in.

Flash forward 12+ years. I find myself still feeling this way and finally decide to google it. Low and behold there is an entire community of people that share my beliefs and even a name for how I feel... suddenly I don't feel alone.

I love my husband very much, he is a huge part of my world. I also feel that every love is different, it can never feel the same as another (past, present or future).

I told my husband my feelings 4 days ago and how I truly would like to live my life. I explained to him that it is something that I have never been able to turn off and it's always there, under the surface. He took it better than I expected considering only one of my friends has been the only person that knows that I have felt this way for so long.

Flash forward to today. Hubby has been having many ups and downs, which is expected. I feel relieved but guilty for hurting him with my honesty. I explained to him that I would be so happy for him if he ever came across love with another woman as well and he seemed bothered by that, but I will divulge at a later time.

In order to stay short, I just wanted to introduce myself as I begin this journey, wherever it may take me...

Thanks for listening :)

kdt26417 06-20-2012 08:52 PM

Hello Blue Dragonfly,
Welcome to our forum.

You'll probably need many talks with your husband, and lots of empathy for his feelings, during this poly journey that you are on. He may be hard-wired to be monogamous himself, but there's still a chance he'd be okay with you having multiple partners. He'll probably need a lot of reassurance, though.

It certainly is a strange world, where many of us ended up trying to "force ourselves to be monogamous," but I think monogamy is okay for some people. I hope you'll enjoy your time on Polyamory.com, and get to know many of us better (as we get to know you).

Pleased to meet you here.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

BlueDragonfly 07-02-2012 02:30 PM

Thank you Kevin. I have already gotten so much just from reading many of the threads on this site. I am hopeful that it may make this journey a little bit easier for both my husband and myself.

snowwhite 07-03-2012 07:04 PM

Hi, I came out to my hubby (I say hubby because we are not married but we do live together and have been together for 5 yrs and have children together) in March. He was on a roller coaster as well. He still holds pretty strong that he is mono which is fine by me. I know how you feel. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Our communication has improved greatly though since I told him. I am glad that I told him. I still feel like I am a poly person and always have been.......just been beating myself up for it because society teaches you that monogamy is the normal thing.

BlueDragonfly 07-03-2012 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snowwhite (Post 142002)
Hi, I came out to my hubby (I say hubby because we are not married but we do live together and have been together for 5 yrs and have children together) in March. He was on a roller coaster as well. He still holds pretty strong that he is mono which is fine by me. I know how you feel. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Our communication has improved greatly though since I told him. I am glad that I told him. I still feel like I am a poly person and always have been.......just been beating myself up for it because society teaches you that monogamy is the normal thing.

I have been with my husband for 6 years (married for 2.5) and we have 2 children together. I feel the same way you just described... it's even harder because I've known this my whole life, just never been able to express it, so mentally I am ready but I know he may not be mentally ready for quite some time or even ever. It's very hard to supress a part of you that you want to be able to express.

Right now I am just trying to communicate, communicate, communicate, as I am sure you are too. I shouldn't feel guilty for being me but I still do...

kdt26417 07-05-2012 03:52 AM

I think the guilt will diminish in time as you continue to read, learn, and communicate. Have patience in yourself, and in the process! It's good that you're here.

PhilosophicallyLost 07-05-2012 04:07 AM

Welcome to this community! I couldn't help but think of the Aladdin song when I saw the title of your post, lol.

You will find some amazing support here. I'm rather new myself and I've been so grateful for all the input I've received so far. I look forward to seeing you around the forum, and I hope your venture into poly will be a positive journey to happier living. ^_^

snowwhite 07-05-2012 06:19 PM

Yes, blue, I agree, communication is the key here. I am so blessed to have a partner that will listen to me and has not decided to simply reject me for it. I love him so much for being open to me. It really shows that he loves me. I hope things go well for you and your others.

Lol at Phil....."A whole new world"

Laughing def helps a lot :)


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