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-   -   Temporary mono-mania? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24716)

Legion 06-13-2012 08:30 PM

Temporary mono-mania?
Hi guys, haven't been on here in a while, but I have been lurking a bit and a recent conversation with a friend of mine has produced a line of thought.

Sometimes I meet a woman and we have a great connection so the process starts of flirting, dating, falling in love, &c. Basically being twitterpated and a bit obsessed with each other. This seems a natural thing and has happened to me many times. In these times I feel more monogamous. I don't really want to spend much time with anyone else, be they friends or romantic relationships. Later the initial infatuation wears off a bit as it matures into either a deeper love as we learn more about each other and replace mystery with fact (or we find we aren't as interested as we were at first as the facts might show us incompatible.)

As a man interested in both maintaining the deep love connections I have made and also discovering new friends and lovers, I wonder about the acceptability of these cycles and your thoughts on the matter.

km34 06-13-2012 10:50 PM

That rush of focus and borderline obsession at the beginning of relationships is generally referred to as "New Relationship Energy" or "NRE" around here. If you do a search it is talked about in various situations around here - I'm not sure how many threads are actually tagged NRE, but it is mentioned pretty much anywhere that there is discussion about new relationships.

I think it is part of a natural progression, but it's important not to let yourself go to far with it. For example, when I begin new relationships, I have to make sure I'm not going to overboard and ignoring the relationship I have with my husband. I have to make sure I don't move too fast or break and boundaries that have been set up or do something that makes my husband feel like he isn't important anymore. In general, I think people also tend to make promises that they aren't prepared to keep when in the throes of NRE. It's easy to tell a person that you'll love only them forever when you are so focused on them that nothing else matters, but as soon as that initial frenzy wears off you start noticing other people and that promise may prove to be premature. It's easy to overlook issues in the relationship or differences between you and the other person at first, but as time goes on those differences and issues can seem more important.

I enjoy the rush of feeling so incredibly into another person, but I don't trust any of the imaginings of the future that may enter my mind or any long-term promises/goals discussed.

redpepper 06-15-2012 12:17 AM

Hi Legion, nice to see you here again :)

Try doing a search for "nre" in the search engine under tags. Lots to read about. :)

Legion 06-18-2012 04:09 AM

yeah, sorry, if I remember it is a pet peeve to have people coming in asking questions and starting topics that have already been started. I was browsing thread titles a bit but didn't see the search box anywhere. (Plus I forgot the coined "NRE" tag)

ahhh... there it is, on the drop down menu!

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