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-   -   Interesting reaction (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24328)

PinkDragon 05-31-2012 06:49 PM

Interesting reaction
Generally my sister is a very open-minded person. I had told her a few other very close friends that Bear and I had decided to pursue this lifestyle. There was no reaction really. I said that we had a date with Lovely. No comment.

Today I tell her that we are officially dating Lovely. She changed the subject.

Could it be that my oh-so-tolerant sister just doesn't know how to handle this? I wonder if she thinks that I should stay inside the monogamy bubble. I wonder how she would have reacted had I said, "Oh, we've decided to be swingers!" I wonder if that would have been met with more commentary.

I kind of expect that at some point I'll get an earful... about how I shouldn't be pursuing this lifestyle for the sake of my children or something. I don't know.

I just find her reaction bizarre.

wildflowers 05-31-2012 10:55 PM

What would be the "right" response for her to make?

Outsider 05-31-2012 11:08 PM

I was going to ask something along the same lines .... Maybe it's the tone of your post ( or a tone I might be reading into it )

In any event I'm happy for you and Bear .... Hope that helps.

PinkDragon 06-01-2012 01:30 AM

I guess I expected her to ask about Lovely, and she didn't.


Maybe I'm reading too much into nothing LOL

AnnabelMore 06-01-2012 02:03 AM

It seems like people sometimes really just need time when confronted with poly. Be patient and chill and mention Lovely when appropriate without making a big deal of it and hopefully she'll come around when she's recovered from the shock.

feelyunicorn 06-01-2012 03:29 AM

It sounds like discomfort. I guess it`s unlikely your sister is anything like me in this regard, but the other possibility would be one of privacy.

I am extremely private about my relationships and sexuality, and I likewise would rather people around me kept those things to themselves.

I`m not big on coming-out. Either on the news-breaker end, or on the listener`s end. I certainly never volunteer anything about my sexuality, though people usually ask. And, even then, I am very selective about whom I open up with.

In your sister`s situation, I`d probably smile and say, "good for you" and move on. And, if you insisted on telling me more, I might actually say that I`d rather you kept it to yourself. Sowwy.

nllswing 06-01-2012 04:44 AM

As I read no a swingers' board once, people are not "open minded," they are just "different minded." Thus, they may seem quite open on some issues, and surprisingly "closed" on others.

feelyunicorn 06-01-2012 11:13 AM


Originally Posted by nllswing (Post 138020)
Thus, they may seem quite open on some issues, and surprisingly "closed" on others.

My experience with them was similar.

InfinitePossibility 06-01-2012 11:18 AM

Interestingly, my younger sis is not open minded at all. She thinks that everybody should get married before they have children and be monogamous. She has extremely strong views about the 'right' way to do relationships.

I have spoken to her about open relationships and having more than one partner. I'm not doing any of that right now but I very much value my sister's input in my life and like to know she's there to talk to should I need to.

And she was extremely interested in a non-judgemental way. Thought it sounded like a grand idea. :)

I was kind of fascinated because she has such strong, fixed views.

NovemberRain 06-01-2012 12:34 PM

I would likely not tell any of my siblings. Told all my parents, my auntie, and my cousins (well two of them).

I also think some people find it a threat. Is your sister married, herself? People can interpret like 'well, they want other partners, I don't want MY partner to know that other people are doing this; because my partner might think it's a good idea (and then my partner will find out I'm not good enough and leave me for the new one)(or, and then my partner will take what little love I'm getting and give it to someone else)(or all kinds of things!).'

I know when I'm exposed to new things, I wonder about what they would look like in my life. Sometimes it's interesting, sometimes it's meh, and sometimes it's downright frightening.

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