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-   -   He has made a move (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=24230)

mialush 05-27-2012 08:51 AM

He has made a move
 
My husband has finally made a move.

He contacted an ex girlfriend that he used to be totally in love with. They have met for drinks and the spark is still there. She knows that he is married to me.

I can't believe how excited I get thinking about him falling in love with her again. Making deep passionate love to her. Letting him know that I would support him in following his heart.

Is this normal?

Tonberry 05-27-2012 01:41 PM

Yes, it's compersion. It means you're experiencing similar emotions to the ones you'd have if it was happening to you: excitement, happiness...

Some people experience it, some people don't. Both are normal. I am very compersive and I love it. Sometimes I feel like compersion feels even better than being the one who falls in love :P

EDIT: here is a graph I made of the emotions one feels depending on what someone else experiences. The description might be hard to understand, but I'm hoping the image speaks for itself: http://i.imgur.com/oNACV.png

SoCalDoc 05-28-2012 06:35 PM

I'm in a similar situation. My wife recently discovered she's bi and now has decided she wants a girlfriend. I feel strong "compersion" -- picturing her falling in love w another woman actually brings me intense pleasure and arousal. I'm not looking for a threesome. My pleasure comes from seeing my wife sexually/romantically fulfilled. Sound familiar? PM me if you want to compare notes further.

redpepper 05-28-2012 08:28 PM

I don't quite get your chart Tonberry... I get that good good = compersion, but how does bad bad = compassion? And what is "shadenfreude?" How does someone feeling bad = jealousy? Could you please explain more? From your chart it would seem that the opposite of compersion is jealousy. Its been talked about before but I wonder if it really is. I think jealousy is over used in poly anyway really.

mostlyclueless 05-28-2012 10:55 PM

redpepper, if I understand correctly, the chart means:

When something happens to another person that is good, and this makes you feel good, this is compersion.
When something happens to another person that is good, and this makes you feel bad, this is jealousy.

When something happens to another person that is bad, and this makes you feel good, this is Schadenfreude (pleasure derived from the misfortune of others, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schadenfreude).
When something happens to another person that is bad, and you feel bad, this is compassion.

Tonberry 05-29-2012 07:14 AM

Yes, mostlyclueless has it right. I'm sorry I wasn't clearer with my chart.

I think you can feel more than one of these feelings at a time. Like if someone gets hit, you might first laugh (schadenfreude) then worry that they might be hurt (compassion).
If they get a promotion, you might be happy for them (compersion) yet also feel it's unfair you didn't get one (jealousy).

Any ideas how I could rework the image to make it clearer, yet remain simple??

CielDuMatin 05-29-2012 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mialush (Post 137532)
I can't believe how excited I get thinking about him falling in love with her again. Making deep passionate love to her. Letting him know that I would support him in following his heart.

Is this normal?

This is how you know that you are a perfectly normal poly. :)

Anneintherain 05-29-2012 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tonberry (Post 137718)
Yes, mostlyclueless has it right. I'm sorry I wasn't clearer with my chart.

I think you can feel more than one of these feelings at a time. Like if someone gets hit, you might first laugh (schadenfreude) then worry that they might be hurt (compassion).
If they get a promotion, you might be happy for them (compersion) yet also feel it's unfair you didn't get one (jealousy).

Any ideas how I could rework the image to make it clearer, yet remain simple??

I found it pretty clear, and awesome!

redpepper 05-29-2012 07:17 PM

@tonberry- no, not really. I get it now. Thanks for the further explanation. :)

lovefromgirl 06-02-2012 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 137663)
And what is "shadenfreude?"

:D This, my friends, is schadenfreude.

"Happiness at the misfortune of others? That IS German!"


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