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-   -   emotional non-monogamy (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2413)

lisbeth 03-31-2010 11:44 PM

emotional non-monogamy
After lurking for a while, I'm finally getting the courage to post here, look at me!

I'm very lucky to have found a life-partner who I've been with for several years. :) We're monogamous, although don't fit the mold of a "traditional" married couple, first because we're both female and second because it's OK to have deep friendships, even with ex-girlfriends or with new people we find attractive. You could say we're sexual exclusive but emotionally non-monogamous (is there an easier way to say that?)

Still, I never got very close to anyone besides my primary partner, until now. Recently I've been hanging out with a new friend... I always thought I could love two people at the same time and now I found out it's true, and very awesome! Also a little scary. It's sometimes hard for me to believe that my partner is OK with me spending lots of time with another woman, and that my new friend is truly respectful of my relationship and isn't trying to steal me or seduce me, but I've been working hard at communication and I think we have what it takes to make this work.

Curious to hear people's comments and/or questions, especially if you've experienced or witnessed a similar situation.

korindino 04-01-2010 01:51 AM

Congrats, for one.

I have one suggestion: never assume you've gotten everything figured out, because just when you think that something is good and you lean back and let things roll--that's when someone puts a stick in the spokes. Always be conscientious about your partner and this new friend. Especially if you feel the need to become physical with this new partner.

lisbeth 04-01-2010 08:08 PM

Good advice, I agree it's wise not to get complacent!

Quath 04-02-2010 01:28 AM

Congrats! I guess my main avdise would be to be very honest with your partner. Try to keep it open so one of you can go to the other if you are feeling something new. If you lay the groundwork early, it will help later if things develop further.

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