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-   -   i'm so very happy...is this normal? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2411)

noob 03-31-2010 02:27 PM

i'm so very happy...is this normal?
 
LOL.

After having the talk with DH, and then chatting with M online last night, I really feel like...this is so much better than I ever imagined. The thing I was not expecting was how talking with M and having that would make me more giving and loving with DH. I am better able to engage him about things I maybe otherwise wouldn't, because I'd be resentful I wasn't getting x, y, z from him...

I guess it's "NRE" (is that right? :o), but I feel so energized by talking with M that I have more to give to DH, and even to our daughter. I just feel like talking to M is filling up my cup, so that I have more for others, you know?

Mostly I'm just taking it day by day (which I'm learning is probably always good relationship practice, poly or mono or whatever), but yesterday was a good day, great even :D Chatted very deeply with M about how much we appreciate each other, and why...and then cuddled, chatted with DH, and had sex.

CielDuMatin 03-31-2010 05:01 PM

Is this normal? yeah, but normal is soooo over-rated! ;)

Enjoy it.

CFstasha 03-31-2010 07:15 PM

This was probably the most significant and amazing thing I noticed after DH and I talked and I really started to believe it was all for real. I feel like I'm remembering how to be in love, and it's something I'm not sure I'd have realized I was even missing without having my shiny new boyfriend in my life.

For example, SNBF reminded me how much I value kissing in intimacy, and I kiss DH more now. I didn't even realize that while we're very cuddly and affectionate people and that's never changed, we'd kind of stopped kissing. I feel more connected and present with my husband in general, though, and much more in love with him that I can remember feeling in years.

One thing that really struck me during my last visit with SNBF was that I felt the need to touch him when we were close. Little absent-minded scratchies, a hand on the leg or the back. Because I had to temper this the first time we were together because we still hadn't talked to his other partner and we didn't know what we wanted, I noticed it. It was PAINFUL not to touch him. It felt so significant and it made me question my connection to him in comparison to DH, until I realized I do that with DH all the damn time. I've just taken it so for granted that I didn't realize it was such a powerful impulse. I started noticing when I feel the need to snuggle up to my husband, or to hug him randomly as just that, a NEED that would feel awkward if I wasn't able to satisfy it. And noticing the things we've taken for granted *holy crap is that powerful stuff.

I'm in the same euphoric state that you've got going on. It's bloody amazing! I seriously feel like meeting SNBF might be the best thing that could've happened to my marriage, and that's something that people who aren't open to the idea of poly will never, ever comprehend.

lisbeth 03-31-2010 11:54 PM

HI noob, yeah that sounds like New Relationship Energy and in fact the concept of NRE is probably the most important thing I've learned so far in reading about polyamory, I hope this term comes into usage more widely because to me, it's so much more descriptive than "being in love" or "infatuation". What's really cool is we all understand what it means, but experience it differently, thanks for sharing your experiences!

Justbeloving 04-01-2010 01:01 AM

[QUOTE=noob;25247]LOL.

I guess it's "NRE" (is that right? :o), but I feel so energized by talking with M that I have more to give to DH, and even to our daughter. I just feel like talking to M is filling up my cup, so that I have more for others, you know?

Totally understand what you are saying! In the past I had "emotional affairs"... even long into them I still had that extra energy, love and was able to hold a much more positive "image" of my husband. I just felt soooo FULL of love and it outpoured from me so easily. I never understood what was happening until recently after discovering the word polyamory... now I am free from the guilt and shame of having feelings for other men... no longer do I feel as if there is something wrong with me.

noob 04-03-2010 02:56 PM

Well, it couldn't last forever, right? :rolleyes:

I'm still happy and full of NRE but doubts are creeping in right now...

For one thing, M (my other) said last night when we were chatting online that poly "never works." We weren't talking about us, but about some friends of mine who're poly-inclined and having some issues right now. But it made me a little :confused: He said something about it being too hard to make it equal...

Like, what does he think we are embarking on here? He knows it's not an affair--because my husband knows about us.

At the same time, though, he totally agrees that received models of marriage and monogamy don't work well--he's been there, done that, married for over 15 years before they divorced, and seemingly has no desire to be married again.

And on my husband's end...I'm not sure now exactly what my husband has given his "blessing" to either. I thought he got what was happening between me and M, and now I'm not sure he really does. He too has been talking about monogamy not working, and how people are too quick to judge other ways. But then, he seems not to really understand that this thing with M might actually, you know, go somewhere...I guess it's hard because M lives far away so it's all abstract for everyone right now.

Where do I go from here when my two men seem not to understand what I am intending? Another part of the issue is it's only been like 2 weeks with M, but we do talk as if we will see each other, and we do refer to "you and me" as a relationship. But even so....regardless of the poly aspect, I don't want to bring up some big "commitment"-sounding thing that will freak him out.

Okay, I'm just rambling. Going to stop now. :o

classycaveman 04-05-2010 07:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noob (Post 25468)
Like, what does he think we are embarking on here? He knows it's not an affair--because my husband knows about us.

....

And on my husband's end...I'm not sure now exactly what my husband has given his "blessing" to either.

:confused:

Uh-oh! Well, treasure it now while you can, for sure. I hope it survives these first little speedbumps. Good luck!


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