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-   -   New to this... a few questions/concerns (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23991)

bjrcboy 05-25-2012 04:03 AM

New to this... a few questions/concerns
Hey there everyone,
Never thought I would be on a Poly site. Anyways...

I guess I've always been a monogamous person - or at least raised that way. Thing is I've recently met a poly girl and things have gotten deeper. I'm not in anyway opposed to a poly relationship just not accustomed to it.

The idea has certainly gone through my mind in the past and it seems to work well with my lifestyle. After all I go to a maritime academy and spend several months out of the year at sea. During the school year I focus on my studies and work. So I've found a "traditional" relationship difficult to maintain over the past year or two. Plus there have been numerous times in previous relationships that have been hurt due to other women.

Basically my question is... how does one manage jealously and the like? She(lets call her S) recently talked about her lover and it didn't necessarily get me extremely jealous but, I can tell that type of thing could be a trigger for me...

Any advice?

samines 05-25-2012 04:53 AM

Maybe it would help to figure out what thoughts would lead to being jealous-

Are you afraid to lose her? Or afraid someone else will hurt her? You think you're doing something wrong, since you're used to monogamy? There's tons of things it could be, but I find that knowing my thought process helps a lot with this sort of thing :)

Adam 05-25-2012 12:36 PM

Disclaimer; I'm new to the community and the philosophy (for lack of a better word) of poly, so I can only speak from a standpoint of personal opinion.

That said, two things come to mind, both of which have helped my wife and I in our exploration. Firstly, do some serious emotional thought-experimentation and introspection. Play out the what-ifs in your head and probe your emotions. How would you feel if...
Be thorough here, and you'll have yourself a decent emotional foundation for moving forward.
Secondly, communication. Everyone else on this forum will tell you that the #1 best thing to default to in relationships, be they mono, poly or some other geometry, is open communication and honesty. Sit down (or email, text, etc...) with S and be open. Lay down your concerns and explore your insecurities, then work to overcome them. That's what this is all about, right? Forming new loving relationships and growing as people, no?

Anyway, that's my two cents :)

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