A natural beginning
I have been reading the posts here for about an hour but all I can find are stories of how natural it feels, how wonderful it feels, the total trust, open communication, and wonderful experiences. I am dying to tell my story which is in its absolute infancy.
First the background. My wife and I have been married for over 10 years. Together we have 5 children ages 8 and under. For the most part a very traditional family outside of having more than the average number of children. We attend church regularly, have professional jobs, and spend a lot of time washing dishes and doing loads of laundry. I have always been loyal and monogamous with my wife and she with me for the past 15 years. The thought of another person being part of our relationship was zero. Prior to yesterday, I had never even heard the term polyamory.
Over the past few months my wife has been hanging out more with a friend she had known for years. Her friend is divorced has three children with the youngest being 8. Our oldest child is friends with her youngest child to the point of having gone on a few sleepovers. We have even had her children stay with us one night while she went in to work. Up to this point, we have just been friends helping out friends.
This past weekend my wife and her friend asked to go see a local band that they have a fun time hanging with. To me it was not a big deal because our kids were all in bed and I am more of a homebody anyway. Fast forward a few hours and the ladies came home from the bar obviously having had a good time. Fast forward a few more hours and the three of us were wrapping up the most amazing encounter of my life.
My wife and I have never even discussed another person, never mind ever having done it. I have read enough where people plan on bringing in another or how to approach another, set boundaries, etc. but all that happened on the fly. It was a very spontaneous event and outside of thinking I was being tricked or setup because it was so surreal, it was wonderful. Looking back it did not feel cheap, dirty or wrong, just wonderful. When leaving her friend did voice a concern about how it would affect their friendship, obviously concerned about the bigger picture more than the night itself.
The next day, Monday, I had a long conversation with my wife about the good parts, the best parts, and the funny parts. I told her how I felt about it and received her feedback as well. It was a somewhat nervous conversation for me because I didn’t know how my wife was going to react to reliving things with time to have thought completely about the night. I held nothing back when speaking with her and I was relieved to have spoken my mind completely.
Tuesday, my wife invited her friend out to dinner with our family. The friend accepted and we had a good time. Up to this point I had not spoken to her friend so while I knew how I felt and my wife felt, there was a piece of the story still missing - her friends reaction. So I took the kids home and let them have time together to figure out if things were weird, unraveled, chaotic, whatever. The answer was none of the above. Our friend could not have been happier with the night.
We have plans to get together this weekend with all of the kids to let them play, have lunch and so forth. There are plans for me to assist with taking some of our children and her children to day camp this summer. There are plans for me to do some helpful things - small projects at her house. It is like there is this bond that is forming between our lives and it feels completely natural and let me say wonderful again. There was never a decision on anyone’s part to say “three would be nice” it just was and is and wow.
My reason for posting is that while we are not “in” a polyamory relationship with rules and limits, 3 days does not sound long enough to call it a relationship, it sure has set the foundation for the three of us to share so many things and enjoy life so many describe on this board. I hope our lives develop into the special bonds you all discuss here. The best part is that while the big event made me keenly aware of what was taking place from that moment till now, it is like the wheels have always been in motion to get us to this point, even though no one was pushing for it.
I just had to share. Thank you for being here, sharing your stories, and for giving me the hope that this can indeed be so fulfilling. Wish us luck.
Since y'all are already friends I think that makes it better. People should try to be friends before being lovers anyway. It makes for a stronger relationship imo : )
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