Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Just me... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23777)

StoryDoll 05-19-2012 01:40 PM

Just me...
I am a 24 year old bisexual woman in an unexpected monogamous relationship with a married man. I also have an amazingly smart toddler from a past relationship. Let's break this down.

*Previous thought I followed: I enjoyed strange once someone was no longer strange he/she was no longer of interest because I have automatic trust for people I don't know after I get to know someone they aren't strange but the are a friend and is a friendship worth losing over the possibility that things might work....( I understand if my logic doesn't make sense)

I am a former swinger never really wanted a relationship of any kind. In the BDSM community I met men and women who understood I wasn't looking for a relationship. Any thoughts I may have had about getting in a relationship I understood that sex is sex and love is love meaning I could share a significant other physically just not emotionally. When I met DC (him) & DI (her). I was not interested in anything more than friends after he got to know me more he realized that he wanted more than play (they are open to poly but also play with others. After getting to know him he was an awesome friend, I guess you could say I put him in the friend zone).

All of our friends including his wife and her trans gf (MP) thought we should play just once my biggest worry was how things would change. Well to say the least, we went out for xmas (DC, ME, DI, & MP). Something in me decided what the hell I've got nothing to lose I obviously have feelings for him just not sure about this poly thing. Our time spent together grew DI spent more time with MP. Until the day DI blew up when she came home and he wasn't there. This was the day everything changed.

After 17 years of what he feels like she left him on the corner and he's not home he felt as if he was made to choose. To say the least, me and him are monogamous but he is still in love we all live in the same house (2br). To say the least it's complicated.

kdt26417 05-19-2012 08:23 PM

Hi StoryDoll,
Welcome to our forum.

It sounds like you have some fears/trepidations about getting very emotionally involved with someone, if you are sexually involved as well. Certainly relationships like that can get complicated; you just have to decide if it's worth it.

Are DC and DI still married? What are their long-term plans? Does MP live in the same house with you? Do you have your own bedroom?

I hope we can be of some kind of help to you here on Polyamory.com.

Kevin T.

StoryDoll 05-19-2012 09:20 PM

The same time DC decided to become mono with me MP decided that her relationship with DI wasn't worth it. (Important side note: DC would do whatever it takes to make the people he's in love with happy even if that meant unhappiness for him unfortunately me and her don't want the same things) Because we do not have amarriage for me and him planned in the immediate future it causes less drama for now to not divorced now.

To answer your question, if I had made the decision early on to reevaluate our relationship, before now then I might say it wasn't worth it but with each day that goes by I realize that he is the greatest thing that has happened to me.

Love takes us by surprise when you least expect it.

My biggest goal for being here is to have someone to talk about our situation and read what situations others have going on I don't really want poly but I want him to be happy too.

StoryDoll 05-19-2012 09:28 PM

I missed a question, my daughter had her own bedroom me and him were sleeping on the couch til he found out she had been cheating as you know I'm sure it's not about her having sex with other people but saying she only wants him and she just wants to fix things and she will prove she has changed and finding out it's all lies so now she sleeps on couch we sleep in bed every now and then he feels bad and asks if I'm ok with her sleeping in the bed... I'm not but if he wanted her too and it makes her happy then ok but I probably won't sleep with her in the bed.

kdt26417 05-19-2012 11:05 PM

I take it you're not entirely happy being in a polyamorous situation per se, however because you want to be with DC, and you want him to be happy, you're tolerating his (married) relationship with DI. Correct me if I am misreading anything here.

That's a tough situation to be in. Do you and DI have a platonic relationship at all? Are you on friendly terms with each other, or is there quite a bit of tension/conflict there?

There's many poly situations where the persons involved didn't "set out to become poly;" they just found themselves in a poly situation. I've kind of gone down that road myself. But I get the impression you've struggled with it (even though you do consider it to be worth it).

FWIW, you should be able to read about many poly situations here on the various threads/boards, and you can post anytime you have a thought, question, or concern.

I just hope that you, too, can turn out to be happy (in spite of the obstacles).

Kevin T.

StoryDoll 05-19-2012 11:38 PM

Thanks for your insight, as far as me and DI when things are tense or bad or any form of conflict at least I know it's genuine so it's not a big deal when things are good I have to wonder why and if there is an alternative motive. I've been caught off guard by her kindness one too many times and I have a feeling things are only going to get more complex...

I guess my one question I ask myself most days is: Does it ever get any easier?

kdt26417 05-20-2012 11:13 PM

Usually it gets easier, little by little. But all relationships are different, and you can't always guarantee that a particular relationship will "stick for the long haul." It sounds like you have some trust issues where DI is concerned. That's quite a large problem, and you'll need to find a way to get past it eventually, if things are going to succeed. Do you and DI ever get out and do things just the two of you? or is that part of the relationships just too tension-filled for any kind of friendly get-togethers?

It may get harder before it gets easier, but it should get easier eventually. Just try to look at the situation from as many angles as you can.

Kevin T.

All times are GMT. The time now is 11:22 PM.