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-   -   Searching or Happenstance? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2373)

redsirenn 03-24-2010 05:42 PM

Searching or Happenstance?
 
Hey again -
I have another wormy thought that I have been trying to work through and can't seem to come to a conclusion about.

I find myself truly weirded out by the thought of me or O actively "looking for someone" outside of the relationship. I am comfortable with being open to "whatever happens", however.

Actively searching a room to seek out attractive people, online dating sites, etc. Just rub me the the wrong way.

I suppose it is a result of some insecurity - like "Hey! I am right here! What about me! etc."

I feel like I should just chill the fuck out - but this twiggy little worm won't leave me alone.

Derbylicious 03-24-2010 05:46 PM

I feel the same way. Especially about dating sites. It's too much like shopping. I like for things to develop naturally. I do have on line profiles I just tend not to use them. It's not my thing. It's ok to just be open to things developping. The right person will come along that way for you if that's how it's going to work for you. Have faith in the universe to bring you what you need.

-Derby

Ariakas 03-24-2010 06:06 PM

I would agree. I have profiles on okcupid and fetlife. I think I might even have one on polymatchmaker. However I am running out of room to let things happen naturally haha. There are only so many people in a town of 20 somethings willing to date SINGLE 30 somethings, let alone ones that come with a wife. My options are to branch out into Vancouver which has its own limitations (time and distance)...

I am left to searching, posting and hoping someone semi close is piqued. I have met people online in the past (one of my best friends actually) so who knows maybe it can work. But at this point my best "relationships" have always been in person and up front.

NeonKaos 03-24-2010 07:55 PM

I'm totally down with not "looking" too. My whole thing is about re-connecting with people I already know from my past and realizing that just because I'm married, it doesn't pre-clude those other relationships from evolving in a certain direction.

However, I am still open to the possibility that one of us could meet someone new that we'd like... but I don't have any profiles on any dating sites, and I'm certainly not on THIS forum trying to find someone to date (I have made a few friends on here though, so you never know where things may go down the road).

redsirenn 03-24-2010 08:11 PM

Ok. I agree with that for myself.

What about the weirdness with a partner actively looking? Do any of you experience that?

RS

Derbylicious 03-24-2010 08:13 PM

Honestly it makes me nuts, but different strokes for different folks. It took me a long time to let that one go, but I have now.

NeonKaos 03-24-2010 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redsirenn (Post 24759)

What about the weirdness with a partner actively looking? Do any of you experience that?

RS

All I have to say is that when I met my husband or any of the other people that I've had "relation-ship" with, I was not actively looking then, either. So, I say to myself, why should it be any different now?

So I guess the answer is "no, I do not experience the weirdness, but if it happened, then I suppose it would feel weird". Not because of the "poly" factor, but because of the "actively looking" factor.

I think you are well within the territory of "normal" for experiencing the weirdness in this. I'm not sure what you can do about it though.

MonoVCPHG 03-24-2010 08:29 PM

The idea of one partner going out to "look for more love/sex/relationships" indicates that there is something missing to me. I am much more in tune with the idea of love/relationships occurring naturally.

NeonKaos 03-24-2010 08:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 24763)
The idea of one partner going out to "look for more love/sex/relationships" indicates that there is something missing to me. I am much more in tune with the idea of love/relationships occurring naturally.

I thought you and redpepper met through a dating site, which to me implies "looking for".

MonoVCPHG 03-24-2010 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by YGirl (Post 24765)
I thought you and redpepper met through a dating site, which to me implies "looking for".

Yup :)


She was looking for more relationships and I was looking for women just to use for sex.

Look at us now:)


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