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-   -   How to open up bf to idea of poly (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23644)

cola87 05-14-2012 02:40 AM

How to open up bf to idea of poly
I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years in a mono relationship and I love him so much. I have developed strong feelings for my best friend of 2 years. I have talked to my boyfriend before about have a poly relationship with my best friend and he had seemed open to it. Well after I talked to my best friend about it and we agreed that we would really like to try dating, my boyfriend says he doesn't want me to since he thinks he will get too jealous. Any advice to open my boyfriend up to the idea of polyamory?

CielDuMatin 05-14-2012 12:48 PM

Does your boyfriend want to learn? If not, then nothing you do is really going to change anything.

You will find some folks on here recommending books to read - I have to say that most of the books i have found don't really do it for me - they are either not the type of poly I want, or seem to be too much showing the "One True Way".

Some of the best reading I have seen on the subject is for free at Franklin Veaux's site: http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html - that might be a great place for him to start. Also, you might suggest that he sign up here for his own account - there are many on here who have been through something similar to what you are going through, and could maybe offer different perspectives for him.

Hope this helps.

cola87 05-15-2012 03:39 AM

Thanks. I actually sent him a link to Franklin's site about a week ago. I asked him if he ever read it but he said no. I asked him if he could do me a favor and just read it. I find that site super informative and it has given me a lot of advice even for myself. Hopefully he will read it and thanks for the idea to have him come on here too, I definitely will have him look at this forum. :)

idealist 05-15-2012 04:07 AM

Give him time to process it. I was surprized that my primary male partner only took about 3 months to process and move forward into a polyamorous mindset. I would think, however, it could take a lot longer. The key is for him to feel that he has the space to process it and that he is not being forced.

cola87 05-15-2012 04:13 AM

Yeah, that's exactly what I don't want him to feel, forced. I guess I just feel a little impatient because I would love to start dating my best friend, but I guess I just need to relax and wait, it's not like he's going anywhere.

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